Fantasies / Fantasmes part 2

Comme toujours, en français sous « lire la suite « 

Following the excellent article by Servetus, I have slightly delayed the publication of this one because I felt the need to develop certain aspects of my thinking. What I found particularly interesting in her article is that she conjures different characters played by Mr A in her fantasies. Richard as himself, or at least as she sees him, only came later, when she allowed herself to fantasize about him. Personally, I’ve never fantasized about one of his character, ever. I understand the attraction they may have for some, but not for me. Only Mr A as himself takes part in my fantasies, because as I said during the 30 day RA challenge , my favorite of his characters is his public persona,  therefore it’s logical that he’s the hero of my scenarios. Why should I be embarrassed to admit this ? The vision I have of Richard is as fictional than the one I have of Guy or Lucas, so I see no reason to police what I say.

Richard Armitage at the Hobbit press conference, the only protagonist of my fantasies

After my childhood fantasies, the one that makes me endure my job when  it exhausts me or when there’s a tension with le BF is Richard. I only have two fantasy about him, and only the most recent (and most powerful) interests me here. This is a not a writing master piece, I’ve simply tried to summarize the scenario I play with so do not expect a work of art! 🙂

Journalist for a magazine, I’m on my way to the Hobbit press conference for the movie promotional tour in Bordeaux (even if it’s a major french city, it’s far from enough to attract the Hobbit but… fantasy :)). I’m dogged by misfortunes, the tram I’m in goes down  and I have to finish the journey on foot. It starts raining and my shoes hurt. I wanted to be a « real woman » by wearing heels,  but now I regret it. I always have a pair of flat shoes in my bag, so I changed, keeping the other pair in hand, and resume my route. I finally get to the hotel, drenched and exhausted, only to realize that I missed the conference.

The Regent Hotel in Bordeaux, one of my fantasy scenery

Annoyed, I’m about to leave , thinking about my boss’ future scolding when I see two men coming off the hotel bar. I know it’s him. His back is turned to me, accompanied by his publicist, but I’d recognize him amongst a thousand. I know I look miserable, hair dripping, mascara probably streaming on my cheeks, heels in hand, but I can’t miss this opportunity. I approach him but his agent is standing before him, putting a distance between us. He tries to push me away, but I insist. Richard intervenes, interrupting  his agent to let me speak, staring at me from head to toe, which makes me even more self-conscious of what I look like. I’m mortified but gathering my courage, I quickly explained my situation, begging for a few minutes of his time. Something in my words or my attitude makes him took pity of me because he accepts my offer, much to the chagrin of his agent. I ask him how long he can give me. 15 minutes. If he gives me 10 more, I take him to a pub next door to be out of the Hobbit madness . A pint of beer is an excellent argument because once again he agrees. Follows an idle chatter on the way.

The Charles Dickens pub

I keep for myself the questions I’d ask him  because they change depending on my mood – and they’re too dear to me. The interview goes well, I’m professional, I don’t fangirl, which might embarrass him, and I even managed to gain his trust despite a difficult start. I’m especially interested in him, I try to capture him in the time allotted to me. Some questions are very specific  other completely anecdotic. He’s sometimes elusive, but he avoids no questions. I’d be lying if I said I don’t flirt a little with him, but it’s not what this whole fantasy is about. Mr A isn’t famous in France, not yet, so we aren’t disturbed in the pub or on the way.

Once the interview ended, I pay for our consomations and accompanies him to his hotel. On the way, an idle chatter again. I ask him if he had time to visit Bordeaux since his arrival. No, their schedule is too tight so they have no time for sightseeing, to his chagrin. I stop and stare at him. Without even thinking, I suggest, if he wishes to and if he has time, to give him a tour of my city. Polite, he smiles and replies that he’d love to but can’t. I interrupt him by saying that it’s okay, I understand. He laughs again and goes on, saying that if I want him to, he can join me once his obligations fulfilled. A stupid grin on my face, I scribbles my number on a piece of paper and hands him before I leave.

Parking Victor Hugo

Does he call me ? Yes. Do I give him a tour of my beloved Bordeaux ? Yes. Another pub that I love (  beer+me = the perfect equation), a wine bar whose main room is built around a huge fake real-looking tree, a parking with a car giving the impression of to be about falling into the void, the narrow streets and crooked places crawling with restaurants and nightlife, a huge square with a massive fountain, the ruins of a Roman arena, the quays of the Garonne and « Le miroir d’eau » for a final evening walk. It’s adorable, funny, moving. In one word,  perfect. Does he kiss me or more ? No. I touch his hands, his face, he does the same. Nothing more, nothing less. But there is this connection, just this once, just once, for one evening. And that’s all.

This fantasy is deeply rooted in reality. I’m not nice with myself, on the contrary, I’m in trouble (rain, tram going down). I try to take an exacerbated femininity that isn’t mine (the shoes). As a child I wanted to be a writer. Growing up, I told myself  journalist would be a good financial alternative. Adoring film critic, it’s a job I’ve considered for long. In the end, I took a different path but it’s something I could have done. As in my real life, I’ve just started my job and I suffers from pressure from my boss. I see Richard as a case study I want to dissect and solve his mystery. I take him to a place where I feel comfortable, I control the setting if not the effect he has on me. A pint of beer always helps ! What I want is to see the world through his eyes and let him see the world through mine, hence the proposition to visit my town.

Le Palais Gallien, ruins of a roman arena

aside

I’ve always have this fascination with what happens in people’s head. We all have a different way of seeing, feeling and thinking, and I find it extraordinary.The differences are further exacerbated between two people from different cultures and languages. The language we speak and the words we have shape our thoughts, so I’m often frustrated when I speak/write in English, because words fail me and therefore my thoughts are not as precise as I’d like. I always have in mind this example of Inuit languages with about thirty words for « snow ». Thus an Inuit succeed to think and express nuances that I would be unable to seize, as French.

End of aside.

By paying the bill and proposing to give him a tour, keep control while remaining independent. I take the lead, leaving him my number, but doesn’t ask for his because he has to come to me. If he wants to see me, let him come. I’m definitely proud. But by leaving the choice to call me or not, I leave an opening that prevents me to suffer the full brunt of rejection. My insecurities. In real life, I’m in a relationship, but not in my fantasy. However, nothing happens between me and Mr A. Not because unconsciously I refuse to « cheat » on le BF, but because it’s not what I want. I’m looking for this connection, the communion between two minds, just once, just one night. Nothing more, nothing less. Therefore an autographed photo will never satisfy me 😉

Le miroir d'eau

Lire la suite

Fantasies / Fantasmes (part 1)

La version française de cet article se trouve sous « lire la suite » 😉

One topic I’ve wish to discuss here for a while now : the fantasies that we can have as a fan. I should say immediately that I will not talk about sexual fantasies, not that I deny their existence, on the contrary because, admit it or not, I’m sure half of us has fantasized about Mr A.’s intimacy at least once. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, although I understand that it’s about something very private, and that talking about it can be misunderstood by some people.

The main protagonist on my fantasies : the man himself and his lovely hands

So what is a fantasy? After a quick search, here’s my definition : imaginary scenario including the completion of a conscious or unconscious desire. I emphasized the word unconscious because it seems to be an important part of fantasies, and  as I always say, what we feel, what we think, and now what we fantasize reveals more about us than  about Richard.

What do we do when we fantasize ? We play and we change the reality so that it bends to our desires. This doesn’t necessarily mean  that our fantasies are always positive, it may happen that certain desires or rather unconscious fears are expressed through our fantasies. Ultimately, a fantasy is a way of deceiving ourselves we all use. We lie to ourselves, we delude ourselves in it.

How one can resist this smile ?

I’ll obviously talk about mine and the part they have always had in my life. But what interests me more specifically is what type of fantasy Mr A. causes. I know where I stand, but what about you ? Are the situations you imagine realistic or completely fictional ? Are your fantasies platonic or on the contrary pg-17 ? Are you an hopeless romantic wishing a happy ending like Margaret or Geraldine ? Do you picture Mr A as himself – or at least his public persona – or is it  one of his characters that has your favors ? Is it the same scenario that you play again and again ? Or do you have a whole gallery of fantasies ? And you, how do you picture yourself ? Do you hide behind an alter ego, an improved version of yourself perhaps, or are you you ? I could go on  like that for hours :).

Personally, fantasies have always been a part of my life. I’m an only child, raised by a single mother who worked hard, thus I spent much of my time alone which developed my imagination. I read a lot, which allowed me to experience many adventures, and at one point I started imagining my own. My fantasies have grown with me, evolving along with my desires. For example, I often imagine a situation I had experienced but differently, replaying the scenario in my head several times, each time changing a tiny detail until it suits me.  This mecanism helps me get better and handle certain situations that otherwise I couldn’t deal with in reality. My fantasies hold me together, they helped me.

I’ll stop here for now, this post is, again, much longer than what I expected. Tomorrow will  be the « me-part » of this topic where I’ll analyze a fantasie of my own 🙂

 

Lire la suite

Richard and his fan(s)

En français sous « lire la suite » 🙂

Another export from Tumblr before I study our RA fantaisies 🙂

If any of you were still looking for another reason to be hopelessly in love with him here it is.

First, the thing itself is completely adorable, even though it was requested/forced by the journalist that Richard hugs his fan. I don’t know who is more embarrassed (him ? her ? me ? ). During the video, this girl looks to sway between two emotions : ecstasy from being in the presence of her favorite star and the need to disappear into a hole and hide for being forced to step in front of him. But both get the best of the situation, one dignified without falling into an hysteric fan caricature and the other, equal to himself with his legendary politeness and kindness, does as he’s asked.

What I particularly like in this scene is both their attitude. So ladies first. She is shy, extremely embarrassed by the situation and certainly in shock (who would not be in her shoes ? 🙂 ) She looks around for her friend, still in the public, she avoids to make eye contact with Richard as much as possible, and doesn’t make the first step. She doesn’t want to force herself on him, unlike the interviewer, she lets him come to her. Once against him (my god what I’d do to be in his arms…. XD ) she hardly dares to touch him and doesn’t press him against her. Everything in her attitude expresses the deepest admiration and respect. And after that, she’s simply beaming and it’s a pleasure to see her like that.

Now Richard’s turn. Once the fan got up he kept staring at her, smiling, even if he sinks in his seat, stepping back. You feel his discomfort about the journalist’s request, but being a good loser, and especially to please his fan, he agrees to do it. Although he’s back to us, we feel he’s smiling with arms wide open to welcome her. He’s the star, so it’s on him to take the lead. What I love more than anything is that he leans towards her. He doesn’t crush her against his chest (although this could be interesting too …), but lower his upper-body to be on her level. He completely envelops her with his arms and body, and press her tightly against him. We clearly see the contraction of his arms and his back. I think it’s really cute because he does things properly. As usual, he gets involved in what he does, and he’s all the more lovable for it 🙂

Lire la suite

RA’s autograph

Version française de l’article sous « lire la suite » 🙂

In the early stages of my addiction, when I was still deep in North and South, the very origin of the existence of this blog, I felt a compelling need to express what I felt. For Richard, in his incredible talent, is an actor who makes me feel things, feelings, emotions, sensations. It’s not only his job that triggers this phenomenon but his whole being. A well-chosen photo of him, a particular quote, and especially his voice makes me feel. Never an actor had caused this reaction before him. In contact with his work, through what I felt so badly, I felt alive too. Therefore, overflowing with these intense feelings, I needed to externalize and put words on it.

Richard's autograph, taken from here

The very first thing I did was to write. Specifically write to him. I need to say that this letter, although written for and about him, was not really intended to him. It was a way like another to express what I felt with and for him. Indeed, the only time I’ve written to a celebrity, was at 9 and it was for the Spice Girls – please don’t judge me ! XD-. Suffice to say that I wasn’t used to this stuff ! So I wrote this letter, this long letter in English to explain, and above all, to explain to myself the reasons of my sudden and disproportionate dedication to this man I’ll never meet. Some extracts of this letter have been incorporated into my Why now? ,Why him?  and Why me?posts

That was a release but it wasn’t enough. Starting to look up information about him via Google (like everyone :D), I discovered blogs, forums and wonderful sites, designed to fuel my addiction. I wanted to know everything about him. But strangely, the only thing I didn’t sought was if he were in a relationship or not, returning key word in research related to his name 🙂 Then I discovered the special relationship he maintains with his fans, these lovely messages he’s sent them, and also the subject I wanted to raise here : autographed photos. I didn’t even think you could write to a celebrity asking for one !
So I now had a letter and an address. What would I do? I thought to send my pages. I thought about it seriously. Even if I knew that my letter would not arrive in his hands, I needed to express all the good I thought of him because it never hurts to receive a compliment ;). I  prepared everything,  I just had to post it. But I couldn’t. For a whole month I kept this envelope at the bottom of my bag, to the point that it got damaged. And then I put it away in a drawer, where it’s still there, crumpled and stained.Why? Why did I not send it? Why would I never ask for an autograph from Richard ?

This one is Jonia's, found on her wonderful blog 🙂

I understand the need some people feel to request an autograph, be it face to face with a celebrity or by mail, it’s a trace, a proof of the encounter in the first case, and it’s a piece of said celebrity in the second. I do not judge this practice. But it doesn’t reflect me at all. Actually if I were to send this letter, it weren’t an autographed photo I’d  wish to receive in return but an answer, not necessarily a letter, but at least a few lines, something personal, real, addressed to me.  An autograph is not enough for me, I must be too demanding ! It’s like in the case of an encounter. I don’t picture myself  to a premiere, crushed between dozens and dozens other fans, begging for an autograph. Perhaps I would see  him from afar, but I certainly would not be in the crowd. Again, don’t get me wrong, I do not denigrate these attitudes, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for. If he were in front of me, I would want to talk to him, ask him questions (one day I’d have to dig  this interview fantasy I have …), and try to capture a little of his being during these precious seconds (minutes ? 🙂 ), not take a picture of me with him or his autograph on a photo.
I want more from him, so much more than what he can give to his fans (and no, I’m not talking about what might happen in a bed or elsewhere ….;)) Thus I prefer to keep my distance I prefer to have nothing from him rather than have those scraps that’ll never satisfy my hunger of him.

Styling issues

This was one of my first post about Richard on Tumblr. And I still love it 😀

Me : Richard, we need to talk.

Moi : Richard, il faut qu’on parle.

Richard : I don’t like the sound of it…

Richard : Cela ne me dit rien qui vaille…

Me : It’s been on my mind for a while now.

Me : Cela fait un moment que cela me travaille.

Richard : What ?

Richard : Quoi ?

Me : Your style. Sometimes, when I come across a picture of you, I’m a little-

Moi : Ton style. Parfois, quand je tombe sur une photo de toi,  je suis un peu …

Richard : …

Me : I know it’s not your fault, you’ve admitted here  that you have no dress sense. I get it, it’s ok, happens to a lot of people, even good ones.

Moi : Je sais que ce n’est pas de ta faute, tu as admis ici que tu ne connais rien à la mode. Je comprends, ce n’est pas grave, ça arrive à beaucoup de monde, même des gens bien.

Richard : …

Me : Even if you don’t become  the most stylish man in the world, you have to make, at least, some efforts. Let’s take the walk of shame.

Moi : Même si tu ne deviens pas l’homme le plus stylé du monde, tu dois faire au moins quelques efforts. Commençons donc cette galerie de la honte.

Me : Worst outfit ever. And don’t start me with this ridiculous pose of yours.

Me : La pire de tes tenues. Vraiment. Et ne me lance pas sur cette pose ridicule que tu fais.

Richard : Well, the photographer was like “you’re flying, man, show me your sexy plane side”

Richard : Eh bien, le photographe ne cessait de me dire  » tu voles, mec, montre moi ta facette d’avion sexy »

Me : Yeah, I get it…. a plane, sexy, that makes sense. First, this wrinkled formless shirt, the too large collar, shiny material for the suit (risky even in 2003), wrong shoes, too wide jacket..

Moi : Ouais, je vois le genre… un avion, sexy, ça se comprend. Pour commencer, la chemise froissée et sans forme, le col trop large, la matière brillante du costume ( choix hasardeux même en 2003), mauvaises chaussure, la veste trop large…

Richard : Ok, ok, I get it. Next !

Richard : Ok, ok, c’est bon. Suivant !

Richard : …

Me : Yeah, it hurts doesn’t it ? Where should I begin ..

Moi : Ca pique les yeux hein ? Par où dois-je commencer…

Richard : You don’t have to-

Richard : Tu n’es pas obligée de ..

Me : Sorry to tell you that, but you look fat. Once again, wrong cut, it doesn’t suit you, shiny material (when will you stop ?), and colors that don’t work well with your complexion. Next !

Moi : Désolée de te dire cela mais tu as l’air gros. Une fois de plus, la coupe est mauvaise, elle ne te met pas en valeur, encore une fois une matière brillante, et des couleurs qui ne complimentent pas du tout ton teint. Suivante !

Richard : … (I’m not fat…)

Richard : … ( Je ne suis pas gros…)

Me : Can you tell me what’s wrong here ?

Moi : Peux-tu me dire ce qui ne va pas dans cette photo ?

Richard : hum… wrong cut ?

Richard : euh… mauvaise coupe ?

Me : Yes sweetie, right, although it’s not your worst suit, but it should have been more fitted. I’m also not convinced by the stripes, especially with this burgundy shirt that doesn’t flatter your complexion. Next !

Moi : Oui mon chou, c’est juste, même si ce n’est pas ton pire costume, mais il aurait du être plus ajusté. Je ne suis pas convaincue non plus par les rayures, surtout avec cette chemise bordeaux qui ne flatte pas ton teint. Suivant !

Me : It’s not that bad, really, but it’s not that great either…

Moi : Ce n’est pas catastrophique, mais ce n’est pas cela non plus…

Richard : …

Me : Are you sulking ?

Moi ; Est-ce que tu boudes ?

Richard : … no-

Me : Alright then, because there are a few more to go !

Moi : Tant mieux parce qu’il en reste encore plusieurs !

Me : The suit looks good, right cut and…. I’m a bit distracted by… you know… your face and all those things around it..

Moi : Le costume a l’air pas mal, la coup est bonne et … je suis un peu distraite par…. tu sais… ton visage et tout ce qu’il y a autour…

Richard : My body ?

Richard : Mon corps ?

Me : Sort of… what was I saying ? Ah, the tie ! What’s with the tie ??!!

Moi : En quelque sorte… qu’est ce que je disais déjà ? Ah oui, la cravate ! C’est quoi cette cravate ??!!

Richard : True men can wear pink ties I guess ?

Richard : Les vrais hommes peuvent porter des cravates roses j’imagine ?

Me : Maybe, but not this one. The next shots aren’t as bad as the firsts ones, but they show the same problem. You have styling issues, obviously, but mainly you have suits issues. Always the wrong cut and too wide (especially when you’re skinny like in the first one)

Moi : Peut-être mais pas celle-ci. Les photos suivantes ne sont pas aussi catastrophiques que les premières, mais on y retrouve le même problème. Tu as un problème de style, c’est évident, mais tu as surtout un problème au niveau du choix de tes costumes. Toujours la mauvaise et souvent trop grand, surtout quand tu es aussi maigre que dans la suivante.

Richard : I agree but David Tennant’s suit isn’t that great either, is it ?

Richard : Je suis d’accord mais le costume de David Tennant n’est pas génial non plus, non ?

Me : It’s the Doctor, you’re no match to him. He’s the Doctor, you know, with-

Moi : C’est le Docteur, tu ne fais pas le poids. Il est le Docteur, tu sais, avec son…

Richard : I get it, I get it ! So, please, are we done ?

Richard : C’est bon, c’est bon, j’ai compris ! Alors, s’il te plaît, dis moi qu’on est arrivé au bout ?

Me : Yes sweetie, we are. I know I won’t turn you into some fancy styled actor, it’s not you, you’re just a 6’2” bloke right ?

Moi : Oui mon chou, nous avons terminé. Je sais que je ne ferais pas de toi un de ces acteurs fashion, ce n’est pas toi, tu est juste un gars d’1m89, c’est ça ?

Richard Armitage characters : click and drag game

Un jeu sur les personnages de Richard Armitage : cliquez et faites glisser

Click and drag games are quite popular on Tumblr these days, so I’ve decided to make our own ! You need to click on the thumbnails so that the gifs will start moving, then click and drag 😉

Ce type de jeu est assez populaire sur Tumblr ces jours-ci,  j’ai donc décidé de faire le notre ! Vous devez cliquez sur les miniatures pour que les gifs bougents, et ensuite cliquez dessus et faites glisser 🙂

Here’s mine/voici le mien.

Best friend/Meilleur ami : Lucas North (…..ok…why not….)

First kiss/Premier baiser : Thorin Oakenshield (XD)

Drinking buddy/Copain de cuite : Lee Preston (I’m not even surprised !)

First boyfriend/Premier petit-ami : John Standring (it’s getting worse…)

Lost virginity to/ J’ai perdu ma virginité avec : Ricky Deeming

Enemy/ Ennemi : John Standring (looks like our relationship ended badly)

Married to/ Mariée à : Guy of Gisborne ( at last !)

Sleeping with / Couche avec : Harry Kennedy (vanilla sex it will be )

Cheated on you/ Cocufiée par : Paul Andrews

A Lucas North study, part 2

Edit : Comme toujours, la version française de cet article se trouve sous « lire la suite »  😉

A Lucas North study part 1

It took me much longer than expected to complete the study of Lucas North. Easter, my 12 hour journey to visit my family and my mother’s lack of internet connection have probably something to do with it 🙂

Lucas is where we left him off, contemplating his imminent death. During the writing of this post,  Servetus’ article came to my mind several times. This scene is a perfect example of the importance of the jaw in acting. Once again, the use of a wide angle shot highlights Lucas’ plight. This man, alone in the middle of that empty ramshackled cell. I feel that all that space, all empty, is about to crush, grind him. Instead of giving a sense of space, this reinforces the smallness of the room.

Study of barefoot Richard Armitage

I wish to comment on his outfit. I will not dwell on his chest, bare for the sake of Richard’s female fans, let’s be realistic :). As I noted before, he’s barefoot. It’s common to many religions to remove one’s shoes before entering a sacred place. Being barefoot is highly charged with symbolism. This expresses in fact the full nudity of the human being, in its dependence to its creator. Thus, exposing Lucas’ foot gives a form of vulnerability and humility, this is the ultimate physical and mental bareness. More than being naked, being barefoot is a form of nudity even more intimate and absolute.

Lucas North, contemplating his doom

The camera zooms on Lucas. His body language remains the same : arched back , shoulders down, relaxed and drooping jaw, mouth slightly opened, breathing deeply and rapidly. He hesitates again, I’m sure in his mind, he still doesn’t know if he will be able to take the plunge. But suddenly, he makes his choice. The timing is extremely fleeting and I had to try several times to successfully capture it. Just before the shot changes and we see  Lucas pass the sheet around his neck, the camera zooms in on him slightly. Do you see this tiny but crucial difference in his expression? His mouth is closed, his jaw tightened. His decision is  made precisely at this moment. He’s going to do it. He really will. Even now, I have a hard time looking at this picture without shuddering. Everything can be read over his face.

Let’s play a game of spot the differences 🙂

It’s starting to get really difficult now. But I said I would end this article today and I will 🙂

Lucas North hand porn 🙂

So, after past-Lucas passed the sheet around his neck, we’re back to present-Lucas. He covers his lower face twice -we’re getting more and more familiar with this gesture now-. He expresses his distress and discomfort, I would almost say his inability to manage this situation. Covering his mouth is a very closed gesture, physically expressing his malaise without voicing it. He goes round in circles, like a caged lion, his breathing still noisy. Once again, his mental suffering is reflected physically. He’s so troubled that he can’t stay still, he needs to move, walk, trying literally to escape his memories.

And then Lucas stops, as if he’s conjured enough courage to face his demons. He raises his head, staring at the ceiling, and exhaling deeply. It refocuses and calms him, he closes his mouth, contracting his jaw, as if he said « it will hurt but I can do it, I can do it. » Here’s another parallel with his decision-making discussed above. Once his mind set, he’s almost calm, resigned, the calm before the storm.

Back to past-Lucas. He’s about to lose balance. His face contracted, closed and fully open at the same time, letting his despair show. The entire area around his eye is tensed, and so does his forehead, showing that vein that we see so often. Again, the change of expression is very transient, but a still frame captures exactly when Oleg enters the room and locks him in his arms. Lucas’ face suddenly relaxes, his jaw slackens, leaving his mouth open wide ,and he closes his eyes, the whole upper part of his face relaxed. He’s relieved. He’s relieved that someone came in and saved him. You don’t even need to know what’s happening, you can mute the sound, just look at Lucas and it says it all.

Let’s finish quickly with the last  two shots of the scene. Oleg is what he is, but in his way of helping Lucas to sit, and touching him, he shows concern for him. There’s something very intimate in the way he touches him, head against head, one hand on his neck, the other on his ribs then on his thigh. It’s a very intimate contact, especially for men. Which shows how much they’ve developed a special relationship.

Lucas North and his clenched fists

Back to present-Lucas for the last time.  Everything is in the detail. Head tilted back, he sniffs because he’s close to tears. But he’s a man, he can’t be fragile. He takes to himself, clenching his fists.

This completes myLucas North study, for now at least. Now I have a normal life to resume, away from Russian prisons 😉

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Hey Girl

Let’s be shallow after such a serious post and have some Richard « Hey Girl » made by alwaysalwaysalwaysthesea

YES.

Je ne sais même comment traduire celui-ci… relations sexuelles à but non-reproducteur ? C’est un peu lourd et laborieux comme formulation 🙂

Hey ma belle, c’est la RApocalypse. Passon-la dans mon bunker. J’ai des cookies.

I’ve never seen so much Richard on my tumblr dashboard than during the RApocalypse. I loved it 😀

Hey ma belle, ça va aller… dès que je commencerai à te faire du bouche-à-bouche. Avec la langue.

Thus ends this ‘Hey Girl » session. Hope you enjoyed it 😉

A Lucas North study, part 1

Edit : I’m sorry for the typos, weird syntax or vocabulary, but my brain just died because of this post XD

It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to write about Spooks. On a specific scene. A difficult , heartbreaking scene, which shows once again the talent of Richard. I didn’t knew how to approach it, I still  don’t by the way, but the idea kept going in circles in my mind so I decided to yield. Even if it means rewatching said scene  several times in an attempt to grasp its nuances and especially why it upsets me so much. The scene in question is, I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, taken from episode 4 of season 8, Lucas North suicide attempt during his imprisonment in Russia.

Before getting into the thick of things I need to develop a few things about me as a viewer. In « real » life, I do not cry, ever. I think the last time I cried was at my grandfather’s funeral two years ago, and it’s not so much his death that saddened me rather than my mother’s absolute misery. I put some distance between the world and me , I am and I must be strong, for me, for others. Therefore, it’s out of question to show any signs of weakness, because yes, crying is a weakness.

In contrast, while watching a film, tv show, reading a book or even listening to music that I love, I can easily burst into tears. These various media are my escapes, they allow me to let go and allow myself, for once, to feel fully. It may be horrible to say this, but I often feel more affected by the fate of a character than by what happens around me. Because in a way, it’s virtual and therefore safe for me.

Now back to Lucas. Seconds before the flashback, he’s been violently arguing with Sarah. He is sharp, aggressive, on the edge. We don’t know if he will explode or collapse. If he will react with violence again, preferring rage to despair, or whether he will be as he is : a broken man. And this is where RA’s talent  is shown. Lucas is feverish, he rushes to the sink, running water to cool both his face and spirit. His gestures are jerky, imprecise, awkward. His agitation is clearly visible. His breathing is audible, fast, he fights against his own body, betrayed by it. There’s also that habit of his I love, which he regularly uses  in distress. He covers his face with his hands. This simple gesture makes  Lucas appear particularly vulnerable and fragile. Throughout this passage his back is turned to us, but at no time his face is needed to understand his inner turmoil. ( I don’t know why but  I think about the « Tempête sous un crâne » of Valjean in Les Miserables. ) This guy is so good, he succeeds to convey emotion with his back!

Flasback. Focus on his face. He’s lying on the floor. He’s exhausted, dirty. His hands against his chest, he’s almost in a fetal position, looking for any comfort. His eyes haggard, he seems  lost, disconnected.

Back to Lucas in his apartment, still filmed from behind, his hands resting on the countertop. He’s overcome by nausea, almost convulsing, while his chest is contracting. His psychological trauma is so intense that it affects him physically. It’s a panic attack, he tries to suppress it as he can. He literally fights against what he feels, he’s overwhelmed by his feelings.

Flashback. This time in wide angle shot. He is curled up on the floor, barefoot, wearing only pants. His cell is empty and decrepit, which further enhances the impression of fragility. Lucas looks almost frail, crushed by the prison. He tries to get up but can’t, he crawls more than he stands up, he even needs the support of the wall. All in an extremely slowness. Every detail, voluntarily or not on the part of Richard, is done to emphasize the impression of vulnerability and instability. He stands hunched, his eyes half closed, as if it were impossible for Lucas to face a second more the reality of his situation. He’s on a razor’s edge, ready to switch at any time.

His lips are plucked, he has trouble swallowing, he lowers his head, forehead pressed against the wall, once again a gesture of submission and surrender. He capitulates. (It’s interesting to see that after the departure of Sarah, he has exactly the same attitude,  this time leaning on the door , after closing it). I don’t know if his decision is made at that moment. He contemplates the idea of his own death, thinking that he can’t bear this life anymore,  or as I say, his non-life. I don’t think that when he grabed the chair he’s fully aware of what he’s doing. Lucas seems to be in a daze. He suffers, so he finds a solution to stop it, a drastic one. It’s simple.

Shoulders low, his face collapses, his mouth is drawn down, lips parted, his jaw hanging and trembling, he’s overwhelmed by the weight of his situation. Only the space between his eyebrows is contracted, accentuating the feeling of depression. In both shots, present-Lucas and past-Lucas, he has the same expression, the same attitude, staring at the ceiling in one case and at the rope  in another. He relives the scene.

I’ll stop here for today, just before the most difficult passage, because this is already much longer than I expected, and unfortunately messier too! I won’t tell you how many times I had to watched this scene, but I must be somehow masochistic 🙂

A Lucas North study part 2 

French below the cut

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