Meeting Richard Armitage | Rencontrer Richard Armitage

Retrouvez cet article en français sous « lire la suite » 😉

Like everyone in the Armitage Army, I couldn’t have been more delighted to read the stories (especially the very detailed one by ItsJSforMe 🙂 ) of fans meeting Richard. It may be stupid to write, but I’m really happy for them. I was excited, amazed and thrilled by what I read. I had the impression of being with them, and experience first hand a certain reality. A reality including somewhere on the other side of the world the man who has been occupying my thoughts way too often  for almost 1 year. Even though I’m very curious of who he is , I’ve accepted that my role as a fan is to never really grasp him as a person. Therefore, I rarely think of Mr A as himself, but rather as his fantasized version, as a character.

To read these encounters confronted me with his reality. Suddenly he became tangible, palpable, so far and yet so close. While I’m writing these words, he’s living his life in this foreign country, he’s working, he’s laughing at a joke, sharing a good meal, or yawning because he’s been up  since 5am. It’s not Richard Armitage, the actor, neither his characters that I had in mind while reading these recap, but a man, just a man, and almost a young man with this strangely boyish look . A man I could, you could cross at an unpretentious party, at the counter of a pub drinking a beer or at a park jogging, etc. In short, Richard.

I don’t know if I’m expressing myself correctly. What I’m trying to say is that I had a sense of identification so intense that I gasped. Even though my brain was screaming that I was in front of my computer and not in front of Richard, my body reacted as if this was the case. And that’s when I realized something. Something I touched in my questioning of the interest to possess an autograph from Richard Armitage. Just the use of the word « possess » sums it all : if we can’t « possess » him, at least we can « possess » a part of him.  Truth be told, I don’t want to meet him. This is not a « maybe » or « why not » or a « this is unlikely, however. » I have no desire to meet him. And if  by a pure miracle he found himself on my way, I’d turn back to avoid him. I had considered the idea that the most likely way to see him with my own eyes would be at a premiere or a ceremony, where I would be far away from me, drowned in the crowd and making no effort to get closer to him.

I do not want an autograph. I do not want to meet him. I do not want to be photographed next to him or even just take a picture of him. And yet I consider myself a fan. And yet I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the idea that some of us have had the chance to meet and talk to him. Once again I wonder what that makes of me and what it says about me. What kind of fan am I to try to escape at all costs the object of my affection? It’s not shyness. I’m introverted, but not shy, and my hotheaded side can make me do really crazy things. I don’t think it’s because I’m too self-conscious. The media like to give caricatural and distorted image of us. However, I’m not ashamed to be a fan. At most, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, not to force my admiration on him because I respect him too much for that. But I know that this is still not the real reason.

I’ve always been honest here, I’ve always tried not to censor my thoughts and feelings  since for me the purpose of a blog is to let go the pressure. What’s the point of writing here if I can’t write what I really think? Then fine, allons-y. If I make the effort to consider the problem,  there are two reasons that lead me to have a position as categorical about meeting with Mr A. First, as I’ve already written here, my heart doesn’t beat for him but for his fantasized version (see fantaisies 1 and 2) . He provides his looks, a few character traits showing through in his interviews. So it’s about 20% of the man he is in my head. The remaining 80% are filled by my desires, by my thoughts and cravings. Richard Armitage is not my fantasy, he only gives me the shell for shelter. In a way, I am my own fantasy. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I lack interest in meeting him. At most to admire his looks 🙂

The second reason is much simpler. To meet him is to take the risk of being disappointed. It’s my reality vs his. The latter being fundamentally different from mine, I know that in any case I would be disappointed. Not because of my sudden realization that Richard is an asshole full of himself (there’s little chance it’s the case) but because a meeting with him will never happen the way I want. It’s all or nothing with me. If I can’t have everything I want, if I can’t have him as a whole (understand what you want to understand 😉 )  I’d rather not have him at all. I don’t want crumbs. I don’t belittle any people seeking contact, on the contrary, I could repeat it a thousand times, I’ve loved to read and see photos of these meetings. It’s just not for me.

So yes, I am a fan. Demanding, surely. Neurotic, without a doubt. But lucid and very self-deprecating.

And you, would you like to meet Richard Armitage ?

Edit : checking my post one last time before publishing it and guess what, one of the Cbeebies stories has just started to play 🙂

Edit 2 : And another fan gets to meet Richard ! 

Lire la suite

RA’s autograph

Version française de l’article sous « lire la suite » 🙂

In the early stages of my addiction, when I was still deep in North and South, the very origin of the existence of this blog, I felt a compelling need to express what I felt. For Richard, in his incredible talent, is an actor who makes me feel things, feelings, emotions, sensations. It’s not only his job that triggers this phenomenon but his whole being. A well-chosen photo of him, a particular quote, and especially his voice makes me feel. Never an actor had caused this reaction before him. In contact with his work, through what I felt so badly, I felt alive too. Therefore, overflowing with these intense feelings, I needed to externalize and put words on it.

Richard's autograph, taken from here

The very first thing I did was to write. Specifically write to him. I need to say that this letter, although written for and about him, was not really intended to him. It was a way like another to express what I felt with and for him. Indeed, the only time I’ve written to a celebrity, was at 9 and it was for the Spice Girls – please don’t judge me ! XD-. Suffice to say that I wasn’t used to this stuff ! So I wrote this letter, this long letter in English to explain, and above all, to explain to myself the reasons of my sudden and disproportionate dedication to this man I’ll never meet. Some extracts of this letter have been incorporated into my Why now? ,Why him?  and Why me?posts

That was a release but it wasn’t enough. Starting to look up information about him via Google (like everyone :D), I discovered blogs, forums and wonderful sites, designed to fuel my addiction. I wanted to know everything about him. But strangely, the only thing I didn’t sought was if he were in a relationship or not, returning key word in research related to his name 🙂 Then I discovered the special relationship he maintains with his fans, these lovely messages he’s sent them, and also the subject I wanted to raise here : autographed photos. I didn’t even think you could write to a celebrity asking for one !
So I now had a letter and an address. What would I do? I thought to send my pages. I thought about it seriously. Even if I knew that my letter would not arrive in his hands, I needed to express all the good I thought of him because it never hurts to receive a compliment ;). I  prepared everything,  I just had to post it. But I couldn’t. For a whole month I kept this envelope at the bottom of my bag, to the point that it got damaged. And then I put it away in a drawer, where it’s still there, crumpled and stained.Why? Why did I not send it? Why would I never ask for an autograph from Richard ?

This one is Jonia's, found on her wonderful blog 🙂

I understand the need some people feel to request an autograph, be it face to face with a celebrity or by mail, it’s a trace, a proof of the encounter in the first case, and it’s a piece of said celebrity in the second. I do not judge this practice. But it doesn’t reflect me at all. Actually if I were to send this letter, it weren’t an autographed photo I’d  wish to receive in return but an answer, not necessarily a letter, but at least a few lines, something personal, real, addressed to me.  An autograph is not enough for me, I must be too demanding ! It’s like in the case of an encounter. I don’t picture myself  to a premiere, crushed between dozens and dozens other fans, begging for an autograph. Perhaps I would see  him from afar, but I certainly would not be in the crowd. Again, don’t get me wrong, I do not denigrate these attitudes, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for. If he were in front of me, I would want to talk to him, ask him questions (one day I’d have to dig  this interview fantasy I have …), and try to capture a little of his being during these precious seconds (minutes ? 🙂 ), not take a picture of me with him or his autograph on a photo.
I want more from him, so much more than what he can give to his fans (and no, I’m not talking about what might happen in a bed or elsewhere ….;)) Thus I prefer to keep my distance I prefer to have nothing from him rather than have those scraps that’ll never satisfy my hunger of him.