Meeting Richard Armitage | Rencontrer Richard Armitage

Retrouvez cet article en français sous « lire la suite » 😉

Like everyone in the Armitage Army, I couldn’t have been more delighted to read the stories (especially the very detailed one by ItsJSforMe 🙂 ) of fans meeting Richard. It may be stupid to write, but I’m really happy for them. I was excited, amazed and thrilled by what I read. I had the impression of being with them, and experience first hand a certain reality. A reality including somewhere on the other side of the world the man who has been occupying my thoughts way too often  for almost 1 year. Even though I’m very curious of who he is , I’ve accepted that my role as a fan is to never really grasp him as a person. Therefore, I rarely think of Mr A as himself, but rather as his fantasized version, as a character.

To read these encounters confronted me with his reality. Suddenly he became tangible, palpable, so far and yet so close. While I’m writing these words, he’s living his life in this foreign country, he’s working, he’s laughing at a joke, sharing a good meal, or yawning because he’s been up  since 5am. It’s not Richard Armitage, the actor, neither his characters that I had in mind while reading these recap, but a man, just a man, and almost a young man with this strangely boyish look . A man I could, you could cross at an unpretentious party, at the counter of a pub drinking a beer or at a park jogging, etc. In short, Richard.

I don’t know if I’m expressing myself correctly. What I’m trying to say is that I had a sense of identification so intense that I gasped. Even though my brain was screaming that I was in front of my computer and not in front of Richard, my body reacted as if this was the case. And that’s when I realized something. Something I touched in my questioning of the interest to possess an autograph from Richard Armitage. Just the use of the word « possess » sums it all : if we can’t « possess » him, at least we can « possess » a part of him.  Truth be told, I don’t want to meet him. This is not a « maybe » or « why not » or a « this is unlikely, however. » I have no desire to meet him. And if  by a pure miracle he found himself on my way, I’d turn back to avoid him. I had considered the idea that the most likely way to see him with my own eyes would be at a premiere or a ceremony, where I would be far away from me, drowned in the crowd and making no effort to get closer to him.

I do not want an autograph. I do not want to meet him. I do not want to be photographed next to him or even just take a picture of him. And yet I consider myself a fan. And yet I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the idea that some of us have had the chance to meet and talk to him. Once again I wonder what that makes of me and what it says about me. What kind of fan am I to try to escape at all costs the object of my affection? It’s not shyness. I’m introverted, but not shy, and my hotheaded side can make me do really crazy things. I don’t think it’s because I’m too self-conscious. The media like to give caricatural and distorted image of us. However, I’m not ashamed to be a fan. At most, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, not to force my admiration on him because I respect him too much for that. But I know that this is still not the real reason.

I’ve always been honest here, I’ve always tried not to censor my thoughts and feelings  since for me the purpose of a blog is to let go the pressure. What’s the point of writing here if I can’t write what I really think? Then fine, allons-y. If I make the effort to consider the problem,  there are two reasons that lead me to have a position as categorical about meeting with Mr A. First, as I’ve already written here, my heart doesn’t beat for him but for his fantasized version (see fantaisies 1 and 2) . He provides his looks, a few character traits showing through in his interviews. So it’s about 20% of the man he is in my head. The remaining 80% are filled by my desires, by my thoughts and cravings. Richard Armitage is not my fantasy, he only gives me the shell for shelter. In a way, I am my own fantasy. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I lack interest in meeting him. At most to admire his looks 🙂

The second reason is much simpler. To meet him is to take the risk of being disappointed. It’s my reality vs his. The latter being fundamentally different from mine, I know that in any case I would be disappointed. Not because of my sudden realization that Richard is an asshole full of himself (there’s little chance it’s the case) but because a meeting with him will never happen the way I want. It’s all or nothing with me. If I can’t have everything I want, if I can’t have him as a whole (understand what you want to understand 😉 )  I’d rather not have him at all. I don’t want crumbs. I don’t belittle any people seeking contact, on the contrary, I could repeat it a thousand times, I’ve loved to read and see photos of these meetings. It’s just not for me.

So yes, I am a fan. Demanding, surely. Neurotic, without a doubt. But lucid and very self-deprecating.

And you, would you like to meet Richard Armitage ?

Edit : checking my post one last time before publishing it and guess what, one of the Cbeebies stories has just started to play 🙂

Edit 2 : And another fan gets to meet Richard ! 

Lire la suite

All I want to write about is this lovely fan encounter with Richard we’ve all heard about 🙂 And especially about his looks, about his outfit, because I can’t help it (grey t-shirt + jeans +boots = drop dead FrenchAA). This picture has already been posted on Tumblr, I’ve reblogged it without knowing if I had any right to do so (I’m sorry if I’ve invaded anyone’s privacy) but I won’t post it here until further notice. Which explains why I’m frustrated. I can’t speak of his clothes without showing you a picture, right ?

So here I am, grinning, genuinely happy for this lucky fan with a really understandy hubby, dazed by how young and thin Richard looks in these pictures.

 

Tout ce sur quoi j’ai envie d’écrire est cette merveilleuse rencontre entre Richard et une fan dont nous avons toutes (et tous) entendu parlé. Et en particulier sur son apparence physique, sur sa tenue, parce que c’est mon truc (un tee-shirt gris + un jean+ des boots = une FrenchAA raide morte ^^) Cette photo a déjà été postée sur Tumblr, je l’ai rebloggé sans savoir si j’avais le droit de le faire (je m’excuse si outrepassé les limites de la sphère privée de qui que ce soit), mais je ne la posterai pas ici avant d’avoir plus d’informations. Ce qui explique pourquoi je suis frustrée. Je ne peux pas parler de ses vêtements sans vous montrer un photo, n’est-ce pas ?

Me voici donc, souriant comme une idiote, sincèrement heureuse pour cette fan chanceuse dont le mari est très compréhensif, hallucinée par l’apparence juvénile et la minceur de Richard sur ces photos. 

Interlude

Apparently, I don’t seem to be able to proceed correctly the second part of my post because I’m way too distracted  by the pictures I’m supposed to write about. I find myself ogling in front of my screen, it’s insane 🙂 What are you doing do to me Richard ? I hope I’ll be able to articulate myself by tomorrow night.

In the meantime, here are two gifs I’ve made from Spooks series 8 episode 8. I needed to indulge myself with some Lucas tonight 🙂

Hiatus or not hiatus

Well, truth be told, not the end stricto sensu, it’s more of a hiatus.

I’ve been posting less and less during the past few weeks. Not because my fondness of Richard is diminishing, not because the drought has stifled my passion or because I’m sick of the cute-crazy Armitage Army. Like I’ve already stated here, sometimes life happens. 

My life is happening and even Tumblr, even our beloved Richard isn’t enough of a distraction from what I’m going through. It used to be a way out, a relief valve for me, but it’s not working anymore and I don’t see the point of keeping this blog if my heart’s not in it any longer.

I don’t know for how long I’ll leave or when I’ll feel like coming back. If you want to unfollow me, I won’t mind 🙂 It was never about gaining more and more followers but about having fun with a bunch a crazy girls 😉

I’ll most certainly miss you, all of you.

Now let’s have a last RA spam before I leave !

Here’s a copy of a post I’ve made on Tumblr about a month ago. I wanted to post something like that here as well but I thought, at the time, that I’d be able to finish some of the drafts I had in my pocket. But I didn’t. And this weird situation lasted.

And here I am. Blogging again. Not saying goodbye. Not at all. But screaming loud and clear, I’m alive !

Richard has been intruding my dreams every night since Monday in all his bearded glory. I think my subconscious is trying to send me a message 🙂

My life is still not in order, but it’s getting better. For one thing, I’ve started to fantasize on Mr A again, which is a good thing in my point of view. I want it, I want my creativity back, I want to write, I want him to be a part of the many things that make me feel alive.

My english is a bit rusty, that’s what happens when you don’t write/speak one single sentence in english for weeks. I’m sorry for my franglish 🙂

I’d love to/ J’adorerais

Cela me brise le coeur de savoir que je ne le connaîtrai jamais réellement – Original can be found here

I’m not one to be interested into celebrities private life. Moreover, the fact that Mr Armitage’s is so private is not to displease me. I’d hate to find his whereabouts spread all over a tabloid. What interests me in a band I like is their music. What fascinates me in a novel is the way I feel while reading it. That’s why I’m always surprised to discover in an article the face / life /age of a person I admire because in general my curiosity is limited to their work and not to themselves.

Mr Armitage is the exception that proves the rule. I’d barely finished watching North and South that I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to (and still does) know the real him. Who is he ? How is he when there’s no camera ? What makes him laugh ? What does he like ? What is his favorite color/book/dishes ? What was his childhood like ? How is he with his friends/relatives ? I would love to know his foibles, his mannerisms, the nuances of his intonation betraying what he really feels, how he is when he’s tired/angry/amused. All those little details that make us who we truly are. It reminds me of an another richardarmitageconfession, one about just being his friend and hanging out together. I’d love to.

But sometimes, my fanaticism of him, – because I‘m a fan(atic) let’s face it -, pushes me to question my sanity – thus this blog second title. It’s like the ebb and flow of the sea. Sometimes my feelings and sensations are so overwhelming that it almost becomes scary. At other times, I distance myself so much that I’m able to tell myself I could stop everything and no longer feel the urge to talk and write about him. And then I see a picture of him, a gif, I hear his voice and the cycle repeats.

I’m leaving tomorrow for London for a long week-end, so no new post until at least tuesday. I have a few things on my mind, and after being such a masochist by studying Lucas, I will treat myself (and you 🙂 ) with something nice. The idea popped in my mind while making these gifs. Next on the french armitage army, a kiss study in 3 acts ! 🙂

Je ne suis pas du genre à m’intéresser à la vie privée des célébrités. D’ailleurs, le fait que celle de M. Armitage soit aussi privée n’est pas pour me déplaire. Je détesterai retrouver ses déboires en une d’un tabloid. Ce qui m’intéresse dans un groupe que j’aime, c’est leur music. Ce qui me fascine dans un roman que j’adore, c’est ce que je ressens en le lisant. C’est pourquoi je suis toujours surprise de découvrir au détour d’un article le visage/l’âge/la vie d’une personne que j’admire, car en général mon intérêt se limite à leur travail et non à leur petite personne.

M. Armitage est l’exception qui confirme la règle. A peine avais-je fini de regarder Nord et Sud que je voulais en savoir plus sur lui. Je voulais (et veux toujours) connaître le “vrai” lui. Qui est il ? Comment se comporte-t-il quand il n’y a plus de caméras ? Qu’est ce qui le fait rire ? Qu’aime-t-il ? Quel est son plat/livre/couleur préféré ? Comment était son enfance ? Comment est-il avec ses amis/famille ? J’adorerais connaître ses faiblesses, ses petites manies, les nuances de son intonation trahissant ce qu’il pense réellement, comment il est lorsqu’il est fatigué/énervé/amusé. Toutes ces petites choses qui font de nous ce que nous sommes réellement. Cela me rappelle une autre richardarmitageconfession, une à propos d’être simplement son amie et d’aller boire un verre ensemble. J’adorerais.

Mais mon fanatisme pour lui, car oui, je suis une fanatique il faut le reconnaître, me pousse parfois à remettre en question ma santé mentale, d’où le sous-titre de ce blog. Il est comme les flux et reflux de la mer. Parfois, les sentiments et les sensations que je ressens sont tellement puissants que cela en devient flippant, à d’autres moments, je prend tellement de recul que je me dis que je pourrais laisser tout tomber et ne plus éprouver le besoin de parler et d’écrire sur lui. Et puis je vois une photo de lui, un gif, j’entend sa voix et le cycle recommence.

Je pars demain à Londres pour un long week-end, donc pas de nouveau post avant au moins mardi. J’ai plusieurs choses à l’esprit, et après avoir été une telle masochiste en étudiant Lucas, je vais me faire plaisir  (et vous faire plaisir) en étudiant quelque chose d’agréable cette fois. L’idée m’est venue tout en faisant ces gifs. Prochainement sur the french armitage army, une étude en 3 actes de baiser ! 🙂

Richard and his fan(s)

En français sous « lire la suite » 🙂

Another export from Tumblr before I study our RA fantaisies 🙂

If any of you were still looking for another reason to be hopelessly in love with him here it is.

First, the thing itself is completely adorable, even though it was requested/forced by the journalist that Richard hugs his fan. I don’t know who is more embarrassed (him ? her ? me ? ). During the video, this girl looks to sway between two emotions : ecstasy from being in the presence of her favorite star and the need to disappear into a hole and hide for being forced to step in front of him. But both get the best of the situation, one dignified without falling into an hysteric fan caricature and the other, equal to himself with his legendary politeness and kindness, does as he’s asked.

What I particularly like in this scene is both their attitude. So ladies first. She is shy, extremely embarrassed by the situation and certainly in shock (who would not be in her shoes ? 🙂 ) She looks around for her friend, still in the public, she avoids to make eye contact with Richard as much as possible, and doesn’t make the first step. She doesn’t want to force herself on him, unlike the interviewer, she lets him come to her. Once against him (my god what I’d do to be in his arms…. XD ) she hardly dares to touch him and doesn’t press him against her. Everything in her attitude expresses the deepest admiration and respect. And after that, she’s simply beaming and it’s a pleasure to see her like that.

Now Richard’s turn. Once the fan got up he kept staring at her, smiling, even if he sinks in his seat, stepping back. You feel his discomfort about the journalist’s request, but being a good loser, and especially to please his fan, he agrees to do it. Although he’s back to us, we feel he’s smiling with arms wide open to welcome her. He’s the star, so it’s on him to take the lead. What I love more than anything is that he leans towards her. He doesn’t crush her against his chest (although this could be interesting too …), but lower his upper-body to be on her level. He completely envelops her with his arms and body, and press her tightly against him. We clearly see the contraction of his arms and his back. I think it’s really cute because he does things properly. As usual, he gets involved in what he does, and he’s all the more lovable for it 🙂

Lire la suite

RA’s autograph

Version française de l’article sous « lire la suite » 🙂

In the early stages of my addiction, when I was still deep in North and South, the very origin of the existence of this blog, I felt a compelling need to express what I felt. For Richard, in his incredible talent, is an actor who makes me feel things, feelings, emotions, sensations. It’s not only his job that triggers this phenomenon but his whole being. A well-chosen photo of him, a particular quote, and especially his voice makes me feel. Never an actor had caused this reaction before him. In contact with his work, through what I felt so badly, I felt alive too. Therefore, overflowing with these intense feelings, I needed to externalize and put words on it.

Richard's autograph, taken from here

The very first thing I did was to write. Specifically write to him. I need to say that this letter, although written for and about him, was not really intended to him. It was a way like another to express what I felt with and for him. Indeed, the only time I’ve written to a celebrity, was at 9 and it was for the Spice Girls – please don’t judge me ! XD-. Suffice to say that I wasn’t used to this stuff ! So I wrote this letter, this long letter in English to explain, and above all, to explain to myself the reasons of my sudden and disproportionate dedication to this man I’ll never meet. Some extracts of this letter have been incorporated into my Why now? ,Why him?  and Why me?posts

That was a release but it wasn’t enough. Starting to look up information about him via Google (like everyone :D), I discovered blogs, forums and wonderful sites, designed to fuel my addiction. I wanted to know everything about him. But strangely, the only thing I didn’t sought was if he were in a relationship or not, returning key word in research related to his name 🙂 Then I discovered the special relationship he maintains with his fans, these lovely messages he’s sent them, and also the subject I wanted to raise here : autographed photos. I didn’t even think you could write to a celebrity asking for one !
So I now had a letter and an address. What would I do? I thought to send my pages. I thought about it seriously. Even if I knew that my letter would not arrive in his hands, I needed to express all the good I thought of him because it never hurts to receive a compliment ;). I  prepared everything,  I just had to post it. But I couldn’t. For a whole month I kept this envelope at the bottom of my bag, to the point that it got damaged. And then I put it away in a drawer, where it’s still there, crumpled and stained.Why? Why did I not send it? Why would I never ask for an autograph from Richard ?

This one is Jonia's, found on her wonderful blog 🙂

I understand the need some people feel to request an autograph, be it face to face with a celebrity or by mail, it’s a trace, a proof of the encounter in the first case, and it’s a piece of said celebrity in the second. I do not judge this practice. But it doesn’t reflect me at all. Actually if I were to send this letter, it weren’t an autographed photo I’d  wish to receive in return but an answer, not necessarily a letter, but at least a few lines, something personal, real, addressed to me.  An autograph is not enough for me, I must be too demanding ! It’s like in the case of an encounter. I don’t picture myself  to a premiere, crushed between dozens and dozens other fans, begging for an autograph. Perhaps I would see  him from afar, but I certainly would not be in the crowd. Again, don’t get me wrong, I do not denigrate these attitudes, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for. If he were in front of me, I would want to talk to him, ask him questions (one day I’d have to dig  this interview fantasy I have …), and try to capture a little of his being during these precious seconds (minutes ? 🙂 ), not take a picture of me with him or his autograph on a photo.
I want more from him, so much more than what he can give to his fans (and no, I’m not talking about what might happen in a bed or elsewhere ….;)) Thus I prefer to keep my distance I prefer to have nothing from him rather than have those scraps that’ll never satisfy my hunger of him.

Styling issues

This was one of my first post about Richard on Tumblr. And I still love it 😀

Me : Richard, we need to talk.

Moi : Richard, il faut qu’on parle.

Richard : I don’t like the sound of it…

Richard : Cela ne me dit rien qui vaille…

Me : It’s been on my mind for a while now.

Me : Cela fait un moment que cela me travaille.

Richard : What ?

Richard : Quoi ?

Me : Your style. Sometimes, when I come across a picture of you, I’m a little-

Moi : Ton style. Parfois, quand je tombe sur une photo de toi,  je suis un peu …

Richard : …

Me : I know it’s not your fault, you’ve admitted here  that you have no dress sense. I get it, it’s ok, happens to a lot of people, even good ones.

Moi : Je sais que ce n’est pas de ta faute, tu as admis ici que tu ne connais rien à la mode. Je comprends, ce n’est pas grave, ça arrive à beaucoup de monde, même des gens bien.

Richard : …

Me : Even if you don’t become  the most stylish man in the world, you have to make, at least, some efforts. Let’s take the walk of shame.

Moi : Même si tu ne deviens pas l’homme le plus stylé du monde, tu dois faire au moins quelques efforts. Commençons donc cette galerie de la honte.

Me : Worst outfit ever. And don’t start me with this ridiculous pose of yours.

Me : La pire de tes tenues. Vraiment. Et ne me lance pas sur cette pose ridicule que tu fais.

Richard : Well, the photographer was like “you’re flying, man, show me your sexy plane side”

Richard : Eh bien, le photographe ne cessait de me dire  » tu voles, mec, montre moi ta facette d’avion sexy »

Me : Yeah, I get it…. a plane, sexy, that makes sense. First, this wrinkled formless shirt, the too large collar, shiny material for the suit (risky even in 2003), wrong shoes, too wide jacket..

Moi : Ouais, je vois le genre… un avion, sexy, ça se comprend. Pour commencer, la chemise froissée et sans forme, le col trop large, la matière brillante du costume ( choix hasardeux même en 2003), mauvaises chaussure, la veste trop large…

Richard : Ok, ok, I get it. Next !

Richard : Ok, ok, c’est bon. Suivant !

Richard : …

Me : Yeah, it hurts doesn’t it ? Where should I begin ..

Moi : Ca pique les yeux hein ? Par où dois-je commencer…

Richard : You don’t have to-

Richard : Tu n’es pas obligée de ..

Me : Sorry to tell you that, but you look fat. Once again, wrong cut, it doesn’t suit you, shiny material (when will you stop ?), and colors that don’t work well with your complexion. Next !

Moi : Désolée de te dire cela mais tu as l’air gros. Une fois de plus, la coupe est mauvaise, elle ne te met pas en valeur, encore une fois une matière brillante, et des couleurs qui ne complimentent pas du tout ton teint. Suivante !

Richard : … (I’m not fat…)

Richard : … ( Je ne suis pas gros…)

Me : Can you tell me what’s wrong here ?

Moi : Peux-tu me dire ce qui ne va pas dans cette photo ?

Richard : hum… wrong cut ?

Richard : euh… mauvaise coupe ?

Me : Yes sweetie, right, although it’s not your worst suit, but it should have been more fitted. I’m also not convinced by the stripes, especially with this burgundy shirt that doesn’t flatter your complexion. Next !

Moi : Oui mon chou, c’est juste, même si ce n’est pas ton pire costume, mais il aurait du être plus ajusté. Je ne suis pas convaincue non plus par les rayures, surtout avec cette chemise bordeaux qui ne flatte pas ton teint. Suivant !

Me : It’s not that bad, really, but it’s not that great either…

Moi : Ce n’est pas catastrophique, mais ce n’est pas cela non plus…

Richard : …

Me : Are you sulking ?

Moi ; Est-ce que tu boudes ?

Richard : … no-

Me : Alright then, because there are a few more to go !

Moi : Tant mieux parce qu’il en reste encore plusieurs !

Me : The suit looks good, right cut and…. I’m a bit distracted by… you know… your face and all those things around it..

Moi : Le costume a l’air pas mal, la coup est bonne et … je suis un peu distraite par…. tu sais… ton visage et tout ce qu’il y a autour…

Richard : My body ?

Richard : Mon corps ?

Me : Sort of… what was I saying ? Ah, the tie ! What’s with the tie ??!!

Moi : En quelque sorte… qu’est ce que je disais déjà ? Ah oui, la cravate ! C’est quoi cette cravate ??!!

Richard : True men can wear pink ties I guess ?

Richard : Les vrais hommes peuvent porter des cravates roses j’imagine ?

Me : Maybe, but not this one. The next shots aren’t as bad as the firsts ones, but they show the same problem. You have styling issues, obviously, but mainly you have suits issues. Always the wrong cut and too wide (especially when you’re skinny like in the first one)

Moi : Peut-être mais pas celle-ci. Les photos suivantes ne sont pas aussi catastrophiques que les premières, mais on y retrouve le même problème. Tu as un problème de style, c’est évident, mais tu as surtout un problème au niveau du choix de tes costumes. Toujours la mauvaise et souvent trop grand, surtout quand tu es aussi maigre que dans la suivante.

Richard : I agree but David Tennant’s suit isn’t that great either, is it ?

Richard : Je suis d’accord mais le costume de David Tennant n’est pas génial non plus, non ?

Me : It’s the Doctor, you’re no match to him. He’s the Doctor, you know, with-

Moi : C’est le Docteur, tu ne fais pas le poids. Il est le Docteur, tu sais, avec son…

Richard : I get it, I get it ! So, please, are we done ?

Richard : C’est bon, c’est bon, j’ai compris ! Alors, s’il te plaît, dis moi qu’on est arrivé au bout ?

Me : Yes sweetie, we are. I know I won’t turn you into some fancy styled actor, it’s not you, you’re just a 6’2” bloke right ?

Moi : Oui mon chou, nous avons terminé. Je sais que je ne ferais pas de toi un de ces acteurs fashion, ce n’est pas toi, tu est juste un gars d’1m89, c’est ça ?

A Lucas North study, part 1

Edit : I’m sorry for the typos, weird syntax or vocabulary, but my brain just died because of this post XD

It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to write about Spooks. On a specific scene. A difficult , heartbreaking scene, which shows once again the talent of Richard. I didn’t knew how to approach it, I still  don’t by the way, but the idea kept going in circles in my mind so I decided to yield. Even if it means rewatching said scene  several times in an attempt to grasp its nuances and especially why it upsets me so much. The scene in question is, I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, taken from episode 4 of season 8, Lucas North suicide attempt during his imprisonment in Russia.

Before getting into the thick of things I need to develop a few things about me as a viewer. In « real » life, I do not cry, ever. I think the last time I cried was at my grandfather’s funeral two years ago, and it’s not so much his death that saddened me rather than my mother’s absolute misery. I put some distance between the world and me , I am and I must be strong, for me, for others. Therefore, it’s out of question to show any signs of weakness, because yes, crying is a weakness.

In contrast, while watching a film, tv show, reading a book or even listening to music that I love, I can easily burst into tears. These various media are my escapes, they allow me to let go and allow myself, for once, to feel fully. It may be horrible to say this, but I often feel more affected by the fate of a character than by what happens around me. Because in a way, it’s virtual and therefore safe for me.

Now back to Lucas. Seconds before the flashback, he’s been violently arguing with Sarah. He is sharp, aggressive, on the edge. We don’t know if he will explode or collapse. If he will react with violence again, preferring rage to despair, or whether he will be as he is : a broken man. And this is where RA’s talent  is shown. Lucas is feverish, he rushes to the sink, running water to cool both his face and spirit. His gestures are jerky, imprecise, awkward. His agitation is clearly visible. His breathing is audible, fast, he fights against his own body, betrayed by it. There’s also that habit of his I love, which he regularly uses  in distress. He covers his face with his hands. This simple gesture makes  Lucas appear particularly vulnerable and fragile. Throughout this passage his back is turned to us, but at no time his face is needed to understand his inner turmoil. ( I don’t know why but  I think about the « Tempête sous un crâne » of Valjean in Les Miserables. ) This guy is so good, he succeeds to convey emotion with his back!

Flasback. Focus on his face. He’s lying on the floor. He’s exhausted, dirty. His hands against his chest, he’s almost in a fetal position, looking for any comfort. His eyes haggard, he seems  lost, disconnected.

Back to Lucas in his apartment, still filmed from behind, his hands resting on the countertop. He’s overcome by nausea, almost convulsing, while his chest is contracting. His psychological trauma is so intense that it affects him physically. It’s a panic attack, he tries to suppress it as he can. He literally fights against what he feels, he’s overwhelmed by his feelings.

Flashback. This time in wide angle shot. He is curled up on the floor, barefoot, wearing only pants. His cell is empty and decrepit, which further enhances the impression of fragility. Lucas looks almost frail, crushed by the prison. He tries to get up but can’t, he crawls more than he stands up, he even needs the support of the wall. All in an extremely slowness. Every detail, voluntarily or not on the part of Richard, is done to emphasize the impression of vulnerability and instability. He stands hunched, his eyes half closed, as if it were impossible for Lucas to face a second more the reality of his situation. He’s on a razor’s edge, ready to switch at any time.

His lips are plucked, he has trouble swallowing, he lowers his head, forehead pressed against the wall, once again a gesture of submission and surrender. He capitulates. (It’s interesting to see that after the departure of Sarah, he has exactly the same attitude,  this time leaning on the door , after closing it). I don’t know if his decision is made at that moment. He contemplates the idea of his own death, thinking that he can’t bear this life anymore,  or as I say, his non-life. I don’t think that when he grabed the chair he’s fully aware of what he’s doing. Lucas seems to be in a daze. He suffers, so he finds a solution to stop it, a drastic one. It’s simple.

Shoulders low, his face collapses, his mouth is drawn down, lips parted, his jaw hanging and trembling, he’s overwhelmed by the weight of his situation. Only the space between his eyebrows is contracted, accentuating the feeling of depression. In both shots, present-Lucas and past-Lucas, he has the same expression, the same attitude, staring at the ceiling in one case and at the rope  in another. He relives the scene.

I’ll stop here for today, just before the most difficult passage, because this is already much longer than I expected, and unfortunately messier too! I won’t tell you how many times I had to watched this scene, but I must be somehow masochistic 🙂

A Lucas North study part 2 

French below the cut

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A RA quote not to my liking

Tumblr is the perfect place to create, reblogg and share all sorts of graphics and I love it for what it is. But sometimes I need to express myself, share ideas on more than a few lines, and it’s really not the appropriate place. That’s why I decided to join Wordpress in the first place. This and the fact that I can now easily comment on blogs I read assiduously.

So here I am developing on a quote that bothers me. It’s from an interview you can find on richardarmitagenet, I don’t quite like this interview because Richard is revealing too much to my liking. When you see that today’s communication is non-existent,  Hobbit teasing  I presume, we’re switching from one extreme to another !

said faulty quote

At first, since english isn’t my native language, I wondered if  the word bloke was only used to talk about men or if it could be a more generic word like guy. Recycledvinyl, whose the one behind these wonderful quotes, was nice enough to answer me and confirm the ugly truth. Richard, oh, sweetie, why assume that these instincts are a male preserve ? Do women have monogamy written in their dna ? Don’t  misunderstand me,  even though I’ve been raised by women, I’m not a hardcore feminist who sees evil everywhere. Women’s rights are important to me but not at the expense of men’s. Because I totally relate to this quote, I understand it, feel it in my flesh and agree with it. Which is why that implication differentiating male and female urges bothers me.

Above all, it’s this vision of human nature which send me back to who I am and what I did. Once again, RA is the trigger for a deeper personal reflection. I remember who I was, this hopeless lover, this passionate child. I’m not by any mean a remarkable woman, just a petite brown-eyed brunette. But I have in my favor a nice smile, a catchy look and above all an enterprising spirit. I have absolutely no confidence in me, I could write pages and pages about my physical and moral defects, but I think I have that kind of recklessness and pride born from fear that drives you out of your comfort zone . I’m bluffing, always. And that’s what worked. Men are sometimes so coward that being chosen rather than having to choose is much easier for them. So I chose them or forced them to choose me.

I don’t know for them, but in my own way I’ve loved them all. I’m in love with love, I know, as I wrote above, I’m a hopeless romantic. For me nothing is like this excitement  before acting out, this courtship, this exquisite pain that plunges us into uncertainty « does he/she like me? ». I’ve lived for those moments. And once the object of my desire granted, I needed a new prey. I multiplied them, losing myself in my feelings and in this headlong rush because I had been broken. For the game.

I understand perfectly Richard’s point of view. The charm of novelty, curiosity towards other people, the adrenaline rush, these doubts, this game completely addictive. I know how it works, how it can be attractive, especially when we  lack of confidence. It’s reassuring to see that we can be attractive, especially to someone we want ! I just wished he wouldn’t have been so narrow-minded back in the day to restrict his statement to men.

French translation below 🙂

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