Dreaming about Armitage | Armitage en rêves

It’s been awhile since I’ve dreamed about him. The last time it occurred was a few days before I broke up with the Photographer, aka my ex.

I never really paid much attention to the dreams in which Mr A appeared, because first I barely dreamed about him and second those dreams were way too inconsistents to be shared here, with the exception of the kiss. And then there was the one I made ​​last September.

I’m sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of a room without furniture. It’s uncomfortable. I try to move my hands but they’re tied behind my back. Slowly but surely, panic creeps into me.

« You’re awake »

A male voice, deep and rich. I recognize him immediately. I look up and hardly make him out in a corner of the room. Richard is leaning against the wall, hands in pockets, half bent. He doesn’t look at me. He’s wearing a black T-shirt, a black leather jacket, denim and leather b oots. An outfit in which I often picture him in my fantaisies. But something i soff. It feels wrong. I have this visceral sensation, this alarm … My discomfort keeps growing.

I can’t remember exactly what he says then to me, but the main idea is : he knows I want to end our relationship, and he can’t accept it, he won’t accept it. There’s an underlying threat in his words.  I try to convince him he’s wrong, that he’s imagining things, while trying to undo my bonds, but in both cases my efforts are in vain. And I think I should have broke up with him sooner, if only I’d had the courage to make this decision, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be afraid. I would be safe.

That’s when I notice we’re not alone in the room. There’s another man. Dressed in a dark suit, he looks like a mortician. With his huge hands and his sinister-looking, he reminds me of a henchman. What he is, without a doubt. I’m paralyzed.

Noticing my reaction, Richard smiles, amused. He explains in a few words, with a detached tone, that he’s hired this man to hurt me. I can’t believe him. Paralyzed by the fear that overwhelms me, I’m unable to speak, my lips refusing to move. He stands up and leaves the room, completely indifferent to my fate, leaving me alone with this henchman.

And I wake up.

As I’ ve explained in the previous dream that I shared with you, I have very strong physical reactions to my nocturnal wanderings, even once I’m awake. And this was also the case for this dream -or should I say nightmare . I have long felt this anguish, this dull terror, even while viewing pictures and videos of Mr A ! ^^ But this dream did me good. Two days later I broke up with the Photographer. Richard was only the messenger of my anxiety and not the cause, making me realize how much I was trapped in this relationship I didn’t wanted anymore.

Did I ever tell you that when I dream or fantazize about him he’s speaking in english (so am I) ? For non native english speakers, what about you ? Is he speaking in your native language or good old english ? 🙂

 

 

Cela fait un moment que je n’avais pas rêvé de lui. La dernière fois que c’était arrivé, c’était seulement quelques jours avant de rompre avec le Photographe, autrement dit mon ex. 

Je n’avais jamais vraiment prêté beaucoup d’attention aux rêves dans lesquels Mr A s’invitait, déjà parce que j’ai peu rêvé de lui et parce que c’était des rêves foutraques et décousus, à l’exception du baiser. Et puis il y a eu ce rêve, fait en septembre dernier.

Je suis assise sur chaise en bois, au milieu d’une pièce dépourvue de meubles. C’est inconfortable. J’essaye de bouger mes mains sont attachées dans mon dos. Lentement mais sûrement, la panique s’insinue en moi.

 » Tu es réveillée »

Une voix masculine, grave et profonde. Je la reconnais immédiatement. Je lève les yeux et le discerne difficilement dans un coin de la pièce. Il est est adossé contre le mur, les mains dans les poches, à moitié voûté. Il ne me regarde pas. Il porte un t-shirt noir, une veste en cuir noire, un jean brut et des boots. L’un des ensemble dans lequel je l’imagine le plus souvent. Quelque chose cloche. J’ai cette sensation viscérale, cette sonnette d’alarme… Mon malaise s’amplifie.

Ce qu’il me dit ensuite est assez confus mais j’en retiens l’idée principale : il sait que je veux mettre un terme à notre relation, et il ne peut pas l’accepter. Je tente de le convaincre qu’il se trompe, qu’il se fait des idées, tout en essayant de défaire mes liens, mais dans les deux cas mes efforts sont vains. Je me dis que j’aurais dû le quitter plus tôt, que si j’avais eu le courage de prendre cette décision, je ne serais pas là, je n’aurais pas peur. Je serais en sécurité.

C’est alors que je remarque que nous ne somme pas seuls dans la pièce. Un autre homme est présent. Vêtu d’un costume sombre, on dirait un croque-mort  Avec ces mains immenses et sa mine patibulaire, il me fait penser à une homme de main d’une mafia quelconque. Ce qu’il est, sans aucun doute. Je suis tétanisée.

Voyant ma réaction, Richard sourit, amusé. Il m’explique en quelques mots, d’un ton détaché, qu’il a engagé cet homme pour me faire du mal. Je n’arrive pas à le croire. Paralysée par la peur qui m’envahie, je suis incapable, de parler, mes lèvres refusant de bouger. Il se redresse et quitte la pièce, complètement indifférent à mon sort, me laissant seule avec cet homme.

Et  je me réveille.

Comme je l’avais expliqué dans le précédent rêve que j’avais partagé avec vous, je garde des sensations très physiques de mes divagations nocturnes, même une fois réveillée. Et cela a été le cas également pour celui-ci. J’ai longtemps ressenti cette angoisse, cette terreur sourde, et ce même en regardant des photos et des vidéos de Mr A, alors que qu’il n’y est pour rien ! ^^ Mais ce rêve m’a fait du bien. Deux jours plus tard je me séparais du photographe. Richard n’était que le messager de mon angoisse et non la cause, me faisant réaliser à quel point j’étais piégée dans cette relation  que je ne désirais plus. 

Est-ce que je vous ai déjà précisé que lorsque je rêve ou fantasme à propos de Richard, c’est en anglais ? Du coup je suis curieuse, qu’en est-il de vous, les non anglophones ? Est-ce qu’il parle dans votre langue natale ou bien en bon vieil anglais ? 😀 

Oh dear bearded beauty…

I know these pictures are old news but I can’t get over them. Not yet.

I’ve said here how much I love his outfit, but this time it’s not about fashion.

I don’t want to be brainy, to analyze and dissect why I love these pictures so much. It’s not important. What is, however, and what fascinates me is how much he appeals to me. Every time I look at them, it stirs my insides, provoking such a strong gut reaction.

I didn’t used to desire him, at least not until recently, but when I see a picture like the one above, I must admit I want him really bad 🙂 I just want to be shallow and enjoy his gorgeousness.

What about you ? Do you have a picture that always do the trick for you ? Launching butterflies in you stomach every time you lay eyes on him ?

Meeting Richard Armitage | Rencontrer Richard Armitage

Retrouvez cet article en français sous « lire la suite » 😉

Like everyone in the Armitage Army, I couldn’t have been more delighted to read the stories (especially the very detailed one by ItsJSforMe 🙂 ) of fans meeting Richard. It may be stupid to write, but I’m really happy for them. I was excited, amazed and thrilled by what I read. I had the impression of being with them, and experience first hand a certain reality. A reality including somewhere on the other side of the world the man who has been occupying my thoughts way too often  for almost 1 year. Even though I’m very curious of who he is , I’ve accepted that my role as a fan is to never really grasp him as a person. Therefore, I rarely think of Mr A as himself, but rather as his fantasized version, as a character.

To read these encounters confronted me with his reality. Suddenly he became tangible, palpable, so far and yet so close. While I’m writing these words, he’s living his life in this foreign country, he’s working, he’s laughing at a joke, sharing a good meal, or yawning because he’s been up  since 5am. It’s not Richard Armitage, the actor, neither his characters that I had in mind while reading these recap, but a man, just a man, and almost a young man with this strangely boyish look . A man I could, you could cross at an unpretentious party, at the counter of a pub drinking a beer or at a park jogging, etc. In short, Richard.

I don’t know if I’m expressing myself correctly. What I’m trying to say is that I had a sense of identification so intense that I gasped. Even though my brain was screaming that I was in front of my computer and not in front of Richard, my body reacted as if this was the case. And that’s when I realized something. Something I touched in my questioning of the interest to possess an autograph from Richard Armitage. Just the use of the word « possess » sums it all : if we can’t « possess » him, at least we can « possess » a part of him.  Truth be told, I don’t want to meet him. This is not a « maybe » or « why not » or a « this is unlikely, however. » I have no desire to meet him. And if  by a pure miracle he found himself on my way, I’d turn back to avoid him. I had considered the idea that the most likely way to see him with my own eyes would be at a premiere or a ceremony, where I would be far away from me, drowned in the crowd and making no effort to get closer to him.

I do not want an autograph. I do not want to meet him. I do not want to be photographed next to him or even just take a picture of him. And yet I consider myself a fan. And yet I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the idea that some of us have had the chance to meet and talk to him. Once again I wonder what that makes of me and what it says about me. What kind of fan am I to try to escape at all costs the object of my affection? It’s not shyness. I’m introverted, but not shy, and my hotheaded side can make me do really crazy things. I don’t think it’s because I’m too self-conscious. The media like to give caricatural and distorted image of us. However, I’m not ashamed to be a fan. At most, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, not to force my admiration on him because I respect him too much for that. But I know that this is still not the real reason.

I’ve always been honest here, I’ve always tried not to censor my thoughts and feelings  since for me the purpose of a blog is to let go the pressure. What’s the point of writing here if I can’t write what I really think? Then fine, allons-y. If I make the effort to consider the problem,  there are two reasons that lead me to have a position as categorical about meeting with Mr A. First, as I’ve already written here, my heart doesn’t beat for him but for his fantasized version (see fantaisies 1 and 2) . He provides his looks, a few character traits showing through in his interviews. So it’s about 20% of the man he is in my head. The remaining 80% are filled by my desires, by my thoughts and cravings. Richard Armitage is not my fantasy, he only gives me the shell for shelter. In a way, I am my own fantasy. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I lack interest in meeting him. At most to admire his looks 🙂

The second reason is much simpler. To meet him is to take the risk of being disappointed. It’s my reality vs his. The latter being fundamentally different from mine, I know that in any case I would be disappointed. Not because of my sudden realization that Richard is an asshole full of himself (there’s little chance it’s the case) but because a meeting with him will never happen the way I want. It’s all or nothing with me. If I can’t have everything I want, if I can’t have him as a whole (understand what you want to understand 😉 )  I’d rather not have him at all. I don’t want crumbs. I don’t belittle any people seeking contact, on the contrary, I could repeat it a thousand times, I’ve loved to read and see photos of these meetings. It’s just not for me.

So yes, I am a fan. Demanding, surely. Neurotic, without a doubt. But lucid and very self-deprecating.

And you, would you like to meet Richard Armitage ?

Edit : checking my post one last time before publishing it and guess what, one of the Cbeebies stories has just started to play 🙂

Edit 2 : And another fan gets to meet Richard ! 

Lire la suite

All I want to write about is this lovely fan encounter with Richard we’ve all heard about 🙂 And especially about his looks, about his outfit, because I can’t help it (grey t-shirt + jeans +boots = drop dead FrenchAA). This picture has already been posted on Tumblr, I’ve reblogged it without knowing if I had any right to do so (I’m sorry if I’ve invaded anyone’s privacy) but I won’t post it here until further notice. Which explains why I’m frustrated. I can’t speak of his clothes without showing you a picture, right ?

So here I am, grinning, genuinely happy for this lucky fan with a really understandy hubby, dazed by how young and thin Richard looks in these pictures.

 

Tout ce sur quoi j’ai envie d’écrire est cette merveilleuse rencontre entre Richard et une fan dont nous avons toutes (et tous) entendu parlé. Et en particulier sur son apparence physique, sur sa tenue, parce que c’est mon truc (un tee-shirt gris + un jean+ des boots = une FrenchAA raide morte ^^) Cette photo a déjà été postée sur Tumblr, je l’ai rebloggé sans savoir si j’avais le droit de le faire (je m’excuse si outrepassé les limites de la sphère privée de qui que ce soit), mais je ne la posterai pas ici avant d’avoir plus d’informations. Ce qui explique pourquoi je suis frustrée. Je ne peux pas parler de ses vêtements sans vous montrer un photo, n’est-ce pas ?

Me voici donc, souriant comme une idiote, sincèrement heureuse pour cette fan chanceuse dont le mari est très compréhensif, hallucinée par l’apparence juvénile et la minceur de Richard sur ces photos. 

Hiatus or not hiatus

Well, truth be told, not the end stricto sensu, it’s more of a hiatus.

I’ve been posting less and less during the past few weeks. Not because my fondness of Richard is diminishing, not because the drought has stifled my passion or because I’m sick of the cute-crazy Armitage Army. Like I’ve already stated here, sometimes life happens. 

My life is happening and even Tumblr, even our beloved Richard isn’t enough of a distraction from what I’m going through. It used to be a way out, a relief valve for me, but it’s not working anymore and I don’t see the point of keeping this blog if my heart’s not in it any longer.

I don’t know for how long I’ll leave or when I’ll feel like coming back. If you want to unfollow me, I won’t mind 🙂 It was never about gaining more and more followers but about having fun with a bunch a crazy girls 😉

I’ll most certainly miss you, all of you.

Now let’s have a last RA spam before I leave !

Here’s a copy of a post I’ve made on Tumblr about a month ago. I wanted to post something like that here as well but I thought, at the time, that I’d be able to finish some of the drafts I had in my pocket. But I didn’t. And this weird situation lasted.

And here I am. Blogging again. Not saying goodbye. Not at all. But screaming loud and clear, I’m alive !

Richard has been intruding my dreams every night since Monday in all his bearded glory. I think my subconscious is trying to send me a message 🙂

My life is still not in order, but it’s getting better. For one thing, I’ve started to fantasize on Mr A again, which is a good thing in my point of view. I want it, I want my creativity back, I want to write, I want him to be a part of the many things that make me feel alive.

My english is a bit rusty, that’s what happens when you don’t write/speak one single sentence in english for weeks. I’m sorry for my franglish 🙂

Are we in love with Richard ? Thoughts about Armitagemania

I have several posts on hand,  my two kisses to analyse and a brief summary of my London trip, but I want if not need an interlude. Why? There’s quite a mess in my little head and I have to evacuate it (perhaps it’s the fast approaching of my 25th birthday, will I become an adult at last ? ^ ^)

For those who don’t know it yet, I also run under the same pseudonym a Tumblog I use to share most of my creations (animated or things RA related) but also to discover the creations of our army’s other members. It ‘s a platform rather messy, reactive, a bit shallow but also very addictive 🙂 It’s very visual, whereas wordpress is more textual and analytical (although this doesn’t prevent us from behaving like any fangirl , admiring Richard’s nipples for example ….)

(currently gifing Strike Back – screencaps are mine)

I recently noticed something, first on Tumblr and then  here via Snicker’s mom’s post : « defection » of some fans to other actors. In both cases it’s in Tom Hiddleston’s  favor, but it’s only pure chance, thanks to The Avengers. If I’d written this article 4 months ago, I’d named Michael Fassbender, and in 4 months it’d be yet another actor. I don’t begrudge these people for their « infidelity », nor those actors for leading them astray 😉 , I recognize also that, as for myself, I am not insensible to their charms and talents.

I’m not one to  easily fall in admiration and fanaticism, like any teenager, for the first talented actor attractive enough to catch my attention. Which is why I was much taken aback by my gut reaction for Richard. I’m not a fangirl. I’ve never been  and I would probably never be one again. If not for him. Him alone. And the day when this madness will come to an end, because that day will come, it will have only been him.

John Porter, showing us his muscular back

Why do I say that the day of my defection will come with such certainty ? Because it’s already somewhat the case. No, I’m exaggerating a little, but I’m not far from reality. Why? Because I distance myself. I already did on a regular basis from the beginning, but I used to plunged back every time.  Not anymore. Strangely, this dates back to my article on fantasies, as if the fact of having  written them down had suppressed them.  For example, since I’ve written my main fantasy here, I’ve never invoked it again.  Do I need another scenario to play with? Maybe 🙂

Is the scarcity of Richard the cause of my declining passion ? In part, I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but it really isn’t the main reason. I’m too « new » in this army for it to affect my enthusiasm. I think I invested so much in my Richard, who lives in my head, in my fantasies, that the true one, as Richard himself, doesn’t have the same interest in my eyes. He’s no match to my fantasized version of him. Which is a good thing !

I’m better in my life, my work,  my relationship. I feel that I could eat the world. I wasn’t in a hole when Richard (or rather John) crossed my path, but I wasn’t good either. And he helped me feel good again , he supported me, he was my pillar,  he made me smile, laugh and cry. The moment I saw him, I loved him with all my heart. There have been only him. There will only be him. I forget who said this, but this sentence comes to my mind « a crush lasts only four months. » It’s been six months for me, so when I say I’m a baby soldier, I’m not kidding :). And yet I’m still hooked, I stepped back, certainly, for my own sanity, but I’m still hooked ! It’s not a crush. I’m in love with him. That’s it. I write it. This is not a love in the conventional sense, let’s be clear, but the feelings I experienced and I feel are very close to what I felt every time I fell in love, hence the parallel I authorize myself to make, and especially the words I allow myself to use. The words we use to describe our admiration for him are part of the love vocabulary, so why not push the analogy further? The fires of passion have thus subsided between Richard and I, we are now starting a calmer but deeper relationship 🙂

Of course there’s his lovely profile, but all I see is his hands, holding the trigger, and his raised thumb.

Am I crazy ?  Am I sick because I write these words ? I do not think so. Of course, naming things makes them real, but it can also hold them at bay. The act of writing, particularly here, and interacting with other fans makes me realize that I am not alone which is reassuring, but mostly is cathartic, so I encourage you all to write what’s on your heart, no matter who read you, whether it bothers some people or not, do it for you and it will make a world of good.

Lire la suite

Fantasies / Fantasmes part 2

Comme toujours, en français sous « lire la suite « 

Following the excellent article by Servetus, I have slightly delayed the publication of this one because I felt the need to develop certain aspects of my thinking. What I found particularly interesting in her article is that she conjures different characters played by Mr A in her fantasies. Richard as himself, or at least as she sees him, only came later, when she allowed herself to fantasize about him. Personally, I’ve never fantasized about one of his character, ever. I understand the attraction they may have for some, but not for me. Only Mr A as himself takes part in my fantasies, because as I said during the 30 day RA challenge , my favorite of his characters is his public persona,  therefore it’s logical that he’s the hero of my scenarios. Why should I be embarrassed to admit this ? The vision I have of Richard is as fictional than the one I have of Guy or Lucas, so I see no reason to police what I say.

Richard Armitage at the Hobbit press conference, the only protagonist of my fantasies

After my childhood fantasies, the one that makes me endure my job when  it exhausts me or when there’s a tension with le BF is Richard. I only have two fantasy about him, and only the most recent (and most powerful) interests me here. This is a not a writing master piece, I’ve simply tried to summarize the scenario I play with so do not expect a work of art! 🙂

Journalist for a magazine, I’m on my way to the Hobbit press conference for the movie promotional tour in Bordeaux (even if it’s a major french city, it’s far from enough to attract the Hobbit but… fantasy :)). I’m dogged by misfortunes, the tram I’m in goes down  and I have to finish the journey on foot. It starts raining and my shoes hurt. I wanted to be a « real woman » by wearing heels,  but now I regret it. I always have a pair of flat shoes in my bag, so I changed, keeping the other pair in hand, and resume my route. I finally get to the hotel, drenched and exhausted, only to realize that I missed the conference.

The Regent Hotel in Bordeaux, one of my fantasy scenery

Annoyed, I’m about to leave , thinking about my boss’ future scolding when I see two men coming off the hotel bar. I know it’s him. His back is turned to me, accompanied by his publicist, but I’d recognize him amongst a thousand. I know I look miserable, hair dripping, mascara probably streaming on my cheeks, heels in hand, but I can’t miss this opportunity. I approach him but his agent is standing before him, putting a distance between us. He tries to push me away, but I insist. Richard intervenes, interrupting  his agent to let me speak, staring at me from head to toe, which makes me even more self-conscious of what I look like. I’m mortified but gathering my courage, I quickly explained my situation, begging for a few minutes of his time. Something in my words or my attitude makes him took pity of me because he accepts my offer, much to the chagrin of his agent. I ask him how long he can give me. 15 minutes. If he gives me 10 more, I take him to a pub next door to be out of the Hobbit madness . A pint of beer is an excellent argument because once again he agrees. Follows an idle chatter on the way.

The Charles Dickens pub

I keep for myself the questions I’d ask him  because they change depending on my mood – and they’re too dear to me. The interview goes well, I’m professional, I don’t fangirl, which might embarrass him, and I even managed to gain his trust despite a difficult start. I’m especially interested in him, I try to capture him in the time allotted to me. Some questions are very specific  other completely anecdotic. He’s sometimes elusive, but he avoids no questions. I’d be lying if I said I don’t flirt a little with him, but it’s not what this whole fantasy is about. Mr A isn’t famous in France, not yet, so we aren’t disturbed in the pub or on the way.

Once the interview ended, I pay for our consomations and accompanies him to his hotel. On the way, an idle chatter again. I ask him if he had time to visit Bordeaux since his arrival. No, their schedule is too tight so they have no time for sightseeing, to his chagrin. I stop and stare at him. Without even thinking, I suggest, if he wishes to and if he has time, to give him a tour of my city. Polite, he smiles and replies that he’d love to but can’t. I interrupt him by saying that it’s okay, I understand. He laughs again and goes on, saying that if I want him to, he can join me once his obligations fulfilled. A stupid grin on my face, I scribbles my number on a piece of paper and hands him before I leave.

Parking Victor Hugo

Does he call me ? Yes. Do I give him a tour of my beloved Bordeaux ? Yes. Another pub that I love (  beer+me = the perfect equation), a wine bar whose main room is built around a huge fake real-looking tree, a parking with a car giving the impression of to be about falling into the void, the narrow streets and crooked places crawling with restaurants and nightlife, a huge square with a massive fountain, the ruins of a Roman arena, the quays of the Garonne and « Le miroir d’eau » for a final evening walk. It’s adorable, funny, moving. In one word,  perfect. Does he kiss me or more ? No. I touch his hands, his face, he does the same. Nothing more, nothing less. But there is this connection, just this once, just once, for one evening. And that’s all.

This fantasy is deeply rooted in reality. I’m not nice with myself, on the contrary, I’m in trouble (rain, tram going down). I try to take an exacerbated femininity that isn’t mine (the shoes). As a child I wanted to be a writer. Growing up, I told myself  journalist would be a good financial alternative. Adoring film critic, it’s a job I’ve considered for long. In the end, I took a different path but it’s something I could have done. As in my real life, I’ve just started my job and I suffers from pressure from my boss. I see Richard as a case study I want to dissect and solve his mystery. I take him to a place where I feel comfortable, I control the setting if not the effect he has on me. A pint of beer always helps ! What I want is to see the world through his eyes and let him see the world through mine, hence the proposition to visit my town.

Le Palais Gallien, ruins of a roman arena

aside

I’ve always have this fascination with what happens in people’s head. We all have a different way of seeing, feeling and thinking, and I find it extraordinary.The differences are further exacerbated between two people from different cultures and languages. The language we speak and the words we have shape our thoughts, so I’m often frustrated when I speak/write in English, because words fail me and therefore my thoughts are not as precise as I’d like. I always have in mind this example of Inuit languages with about thirty words for « snow ». Thus an Inuit succeed to think and express nuances that I would be unable to seize, as French.

End of aside.

By paying the bill and proposing to give him a tour, keep control while remaining independent. I take the lead, leaving him my number, but doesn’t ask for his because he has to come to me. If he wants to see me, let him come. I’m definitely proud. But by leaving the choice to call me or not, I leave an opening that prevents me to suffer the full brunt of rejection. My insecurities. In real life, I’m in a relationship, but not in my fantasy. However, nothing happens between me and Mr A. Not because unconsciously I refuse to « cheat » on le BF, but because it’s not what I want. I’m looking for this connection, the communion between two minds, just once, just one night. Nothing more, nothing less. Therefore an autographed photo will never satisfy me 😉

Le miroir d'eau

Lire la suite

Richard and his fan(s)

En français sous « lire la suite » 🙂

Another export from Tumblr before I study our RA fantaisies 🙂

If any of you were still looking for another reason to be hopelessly in love with him here it is.

First, the thing itself is completely adorable, even though it was requested/forced by the journalist that Richard hugs his fan. I don’t know who is more embarrassed (him ? her ? me ? ). During the video, this girl looks to sway between two emotions : ecstasy from being in the presence of her favorite star and the need to disappear into a hole and hide for being forced to step in front of him. But both get the best of the situation, one dignified without falling into an hysteric fan caricature and the other, equal to himself with his legendary politeness and kindness, does as he’s asked.

What I particularly like in this scene is both their attitude. So ladies first. She is shy, extremely embarrassed by the situation and certainly in shock (who would not be in her shoes ? 🙂 ) She looks around for her friend, still in the public, she avoids to make eye contact with Richard as much as possible, and doesn’t make the first step. She doesn’t want to force herself on him, unlike the interviewer, she lets him come to her. Once against him (my god what I’d do to be in his arms…. XD ) she hardly dares to touch him and doesn’t press him against her. Everything in her attitude expresses the deepest admiration and respect. And after that, she’s simply beaming and it’s a pleasure to see her like that.

Now Richard’s turn. Once the fan got up he kept staring at her, smiling, even if he sinks in his seat, stepping back. You feel his discomfort about the journalist’s request, but being a good loser, and especially to please his fan, he agrees to do it. Although he’s back to us, we feel he’s smiling with arms wide open to welcome her. He’s the star, so it’s on him to take the lead. What I love more than anything is that he leans towards her. He doesn’t crush her against his chest (although this could be interesting too …), but lower his upper-body to be on her level. He completely envelops her with his arms and body, and press her tightly against him. We clearly see the contraction of his arms and his back. I think it’s really cute because he does things properly. As usual, he gets involved in what he does, and he’s all the more lovable for it 🙂

Lire la suite

RA’s autograph

Version française de l’article sous « lire la suite » 🙂

In the early stages of my addiction, when I was still deep in North and South, the very origin of the existence of this blog, I felt a compelling need to express what I felt. For Richard, in his incredible talent, is an actor who makes me feel things, feelings, emotions, sensations. It’s not only his job that triggers this phenomenon but his whole being. A well-chosen photo of him, a particular quote, and especially his voice makes me feel. Never an actor had caused this reaction before him. In contact with his work, through what I felt so badly, I felt alive too. Therefore, overflowing with these intense feelings, I needed to externalize and put words on it.

Richard's autograph, taken from here

The very first thing I did was to write. Specifically write to him. I need to say that this letter, although written for and about him, was not really intended to him. It was a way like another to express what I felt with and for him. Indeed, the only time I’ve written to a celebrity, was at 9 and it was for the Spice Girls – please don’t judge me ! XD-. Suffice to say that I wasn’t used to this stuff ! So I wrote this letter, this long letter in English to explain, and above all, to explain to myself the reasons of my sudden and disproportionate dedication to this man I’ll never meet. Some extracts of this letter have been incorporated into my Why now? ,Why him?  and Why me?posts

That was a release but it wasn’t enough. Starting to look up information about him via Google (like everyone :D), I discovered blogs, forums and wonderful sites, designed to fuel my addiction. I wanted to know everything about him. But strangely, the only thing I didn’t sought was if he were in a relationship or not, returning key word in research related to his name 🙂 Then I discovered the special relationship he maintains with his fans, these lovely messages he’s sent them, and also the subject I wanted to raise here : autographed photos. I didn’t even think you could write to a celebrity asking for one !
So I now had a letter and an address. What would I do? I thought to send my pages. I thought about it seriously. Even if I knew that my letter would not arrive in his hands, I needed to express all the good I thought of him because it never hurts to receive a compliment ;). I  prepared everything,  I just had to post it. But I couldn’t. For a whole month I kept this envelope at the bottom of my bag, to the point that it got damaged. And then I put it away in a drawer, where it’s still there, crumpled and stained.Why? Why did I not send it? Why would I never ask for an autograph from Richard ?

This one is Jonia's, found on her wonderful blog 🙂

I understand the need some people feel to request an autograph, be it face to face with a celebrity or by mail, it’s a trace, a proof of the encounter in the first case, and it’s a piece of said celebrity in the second. I do not judge this practice. But it doesn’t reflect me at all. Actually if I were to send this letter, it weren’t an autographed photo I’d  wish to receive in return but an answer, not necessarily a letter, but at least a few lines, something personal, real, addressed to me.  An autograph is not enough for me, I must be too demanding ! It’s like in the case of an encounter. I don’t picture myself  to a premiere, crushed between dozens and dozens other fans, begging for an autograph. Perhaps I would see  him from afar, but I certainly would not be in the crowd. Again, don’t get me wrong, I do not denigrate these attitudes, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for. If he were in front of me, I would want to talk to him, ask him questions (one day I’d have to dig  this interview fantasy I have …), and try to capture a little of his being during these precious seconds (minutes ? 🙂 ), not take a picture of me with him or his autograph on a photo.
I want more from him, so much more than what he can give to his fans (and no, I’m not talking about what might happen in a bed or elsewhere ….;)) Thus I prefer to keep my distance I prefer to have nothing from him rather than have those scraps that’ll never satisfy my hunger of him.

RA nipples :)

I recently developed a certain fetish for his nipples. You can’t even imagine how embarrassing it is to write it here and to assume my post ! Especially since I’ve said several times that his nudity made me feel uncomfortable because I don’t want to objectify him. Richard is so much more than a nice body! But there’ss no harm in doing good, and I confess that, like many of you, Strike Back has tickled my imagination 😛 So here’s a little collage from my nipple folder (yes, I have a folder dedicated to his nipples, as well as one for his hand, and nose…)

J’ai récemment développé une certaine fascination pour ses tétons. Vous n’imaginez même pas combien c’est embarrassant de l’écrire ici et d’assumer mon post ! Surtout en sachant que j’ai répété plusieurs fois que sa nudité me mettait mal à l’aise car je ne veux pas le considérer comme un objet. Richard est beaucoup plus qu’un joli corps ! Mais il n’y a pas de mal à se faire du bien, et j’avoue que, comme beaucoup d’entre nous, Strike Back a titillé mon imagination 😛 Voici donc un petit collage tiré de mon dossier « tétons » (oui, j’ai un dossier dédié à cette partie de son corps, ainsi qu’à ses mains, et son nez…)