A RA quote not to my liking

Tumblr is the perfect place to create, reblogg and share all sorts of graphics and I love it for what it is. But sometimes I need to express myself, share ideas on more than a few lines, and it’s really not the appropriate place. That’s why I decided to join Wordpress in the first place. This and the fact that I can now easily comment on blogs I read assiduously.

So here I am developing on a quote that bothers me. It’s from an interview you can find on richardarmitagenet, I don’t quite like this interview because Richard is revealing too much to my liking. When you see that today’s communication is non-existent,  Hobbit teasing  I presume, we’re switching from one extreme to another !

said faulty quote

At first, since english isn’t my native language, I wondered if  the word bloke was only used to talk about men or if it could be a more generic word like guy. Recycledvinyl, whose the one behind these wonderful quotes, was nice enough to answer me and confirm the ugly truth. Richard, oh, sweetie, why assume that these instincts are a male preserve ? Do women have monogamy written in their dna ? Don’t  misunderstand me,  even though I’ve been raised by women, I’m not a hardcore feminist who sees evil everywhere. Women’s rights are important to me but not at the expense of men’s. Because I totally relate to this quote, I understand it, feel it in my flesh and agree with it. Which is why that implication differentiating male and female urges bothers me.

Above all, it’s this vision of human nature which send me back to who I am and what I did. Once again, RA is the trigger for a deeper personal reflection. I remember who I was, this hopeless lover, this passionate child. I’m not by any mean a remarkable woman, just a petite brown-eyed brunette. But I have in my favor a nice smile, a catchy look and above all an enterprising spirit. I have absolutely no confidence in me, I could write pages and pages about my physical and moral defects, but I think I have that kind of recklessness and pride born from fear that drives you out of your comfort zone . I’m bluffing, always. And that’s what worked. Men are sometimes so coward that being chosen rather than having to choose is much easier for them. So I chose them or forced them to choose me.

I don’t know for them, but in my own way I’ve loved them all. I’m in love with love, I know, as I wrote above, I’m a hopeless romantic. For me nothing is like this excitement  before acting out, this courtship, this exquisite pain that plunges us into uncertainty « does he/she like me? ». I’ve lived for those moments. And once the object of my desire granted, I needed a new prey. I multiplied them, losing myself in my feelings and in this headlong rush because I had been broken. For the game.

I understand perfectly Richard’s point of view. The charm of novelty, curiosity towards other people, the adrenaline rush, these doubts, this game completely addictive. I know how it works, how it can be attractive, especially when we  lack of confidence. It’s reassuring to see that we can be attractive, especially to someone we want ! I just wished he wouldn’t have been so narrow-minded back in the day to restrict his statement to men.

French translation below 🙂

Lire la suite

Why me ? (part 3 )

Last but not least – i hope ! -, the final question. Actually, this is very stupid, but there’s a simple reason why I, an almost 25 years old french woman – oh my god, I‘m a grown up – have succumbed to his charm. He reminds me of an ex, especially with the beard. When I was 18/19 years old, basically a kid I went out with two actors, two opposites, both physically and mentally, but they were united in their profession, their passion. The one who was the most important to me was a tall dark haired guy with a long nose and piercing blue eyes. Quite older than me too, he was already a man when I was not yet a woman. His beard stung my cheeks every time he kissed me and I do not think I need to specify his name to complete the picture yes it starts with a R.

a momentary Richard interruption

My tastes haven’t really changed since. I keep three memories of him, the 1st, he, lying on his bed and, when he has just explain to me the necessity of his single life, the fact that he he can’t take his eyes off my backside when I get up. I still smile when I think about it. His contradiction. He’s also the man with a hard and indecipherable face, the man who suddenly imposes himself on me in a shout “I exist!”. Ultimate expression of his being. He frightens me, he hurts me. His violence, his toughness, strength. He’s this fragile man with tear-filled eyes who stumbles, who flays his mouth in confessing to me ”but I love my father.” His weakness.

and another one… 🙂

He was a child, not a man. He was no longer a man when he pressed me against him, when he laid his head on my lap and he buried it in the pit of my arm. I think what I like about Ra is part of what he shares with that other Richard. I’ve the same protective instinct, very maternal towards him, I feel his strength but also his vulnerability. I feel this duality in him, but also the fierce passion that fascinates me. I still googled this ex from time to time, to see where his career takes him, and what he does 🙂