Dreaming about Armitage | Armitage en rêves

It’s been awhile since I’ve dreamed about him. The last time it occurred was a few days before I broke up with the Photographer, aka my ex.

I never really paid much attention to the dreams in which Mr A appeared, because first I barely dreamed about him and second those dreams were way too inconsistents to be shared here, with the exception of the kiss. And then there was the one I made ​​last September.

I’m sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of a room without furniture. It’s uncomfortable. I try to move my hands but they’re tied behind my back. Slowly but surely, panic creeps into me.

« You’re awake »

A male voice, deep and rich. I recognize him immediately. I look up and hardly make him out in a corner of the room. Richard is leaning against the wall, hands in pockets, half bent. He doesn’t look at me. He’s wearing a black T-shirt, a black leather jacket, denim and leather b oots. An outfit in which I often picture him in my fantaisies. But something i soff. It feels wrong. I have this visceral sensation, this alarm … My discomfort keeps growing.

I can’t remember exactly what he says then to me, but the main idea is : he knows I want to end our relationship, and he can’t accept it, he won’t accept it. There’s an underlying threat in his words.  I try to convince him he’s wrong, that he’s imagining things, while trying to undo my bonds, but in both cases my efforts are in vain. And I think I should have broke up with him sooner, if only I’d had the courage to make this decision, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t be afraid. I would be safe.

That’s when I notice we’re not alone in the room. There’s another man. Dressed in a dark suit, he looks like a mortician. With his huge hands and his sinister-looking, he reminds me of a henchman. What he is, without a doubt. I’m paralyzed.

Noticing my reaction, Richard smiles, amused. He explains in a few words, with a detached tone, that he’s hired this man to hurt me. I can’t believe him. Paralyzed by the fear that overwhelms me, I’m unable to speak, my lips refusing to move. He stands up and leaves the room, completely indifferent to my fate, leaving me alone with this henchman.

And I wake up.

As I’ ve explained in the previous dream that I shared with you, I have very strong physical reactions to my nocturnal wanderings, even once I’m awake. And this was also the case for this dream -or should I say nightmare . I have long felt this anguish, this dull terror, even while viewing pictures and videos of Mr A ! ^^ But this dream did me good. Two days later I broke up with the Photographer. Richard was only the messenger of my anxiety and not the cause, making me realize how much I was trapped in this relationship I didn’t wanted anymore.

Did I ever tell you that when I dream or fantazize about him he’s speaking in english (so am I) ? For non native english speakers, what about you ? Is he speaking in your native language or good old english ? 🙂

 

 

Cela fait un moment que je n’avais pas rêvé de lui. La dernière fois que c’était arrivé, c’était seulement quelques jours avant de rompre avec le Photographe, autrement dit mon ex. 

Je n’avais jamais vraiment prêté beaucoup d’attention aux rêves dans lesquels Mr A s’invitait, déjà parce que j’ai peu rêvé de lui et parce que c’était des rêves foutraques et décousus, à l’exception du baiser. Et puis il y a eu ce rêve, fait en septembre dernier.

Je suis assise sur chaise en bois, au milieu d’une pièce dépourvue de meubles. C’est inconfortable. J’essaye de bouger mes mains sont attachées dans mon dos. Lentement mais sûrement, la panique s’insinue en moi.

 » Tu es réveillée »

Une voix masculine, grave et profonde. Je la reconnais immédiatement. Je lève les yeux et le discerne difficilement dans un coin de la pièce. Il est est adossé contre le mur, les mains dans les poches, à moitié voûté. Il ne me regarde pas. Il porte un t-shirt noir, une veste en cuir noire, un jean brut et des boots. L’un des ensemble dans lequel je l’imagine le plus souvent. Quelque chose cloche. J’ai cette sensation viscérale, cette sonnette d’alarme… Mon malaise s’amplifie.

Ce qu’il me dit ensuite est assez confus mais j’en retiens l’idée principale : il sait que je veux mettre un terme à notre relation, et il ne peut pas l’accepter. Je tente de le convaincre qu’il se trompe, qu’il se fait des idées, tout en essayant de défaire mes liens, mais dans les deux cas mes efforts sont vains. Je me dis que j’aurais dû le quitter plus tôt, que si j’avais eu le courage de prendre cette décision, je ne serais pas là, je n’aurais pas peur. Je serais en sécurité.

C’est alors que je remarque que nous ne somme pas seuls dans la pièce. Un autre homme est présent. Vêtu d’un costume sombre, on dirait un croque-mort  Avec ces mains immenses et sa mine patibulaire, il me fait penser à une homme de main d’une mafia quelconque. Ce qu’il est, sans aucun doute. Je suis tétanisée.

Voyant ma réaction, Richard sourit, amusé. Il m’explique en quelques mots, d’un ton détaché, qu’il a engagé cet homme pour me faire du mal. Je n’arrive pas à le croire. Paralysée par la peur qui m’envahie, je suis incapable, de parler, mes lèvres refusant de bouger. Il se redresse et quitte la pièce, complètement indifférent à mon sort, me laissant seule avec cet homme.

Et  je me réveille.

Comme je l’avais expliqué dans le précédent rêve que j’avais partagé avec vous, je garde des sensations très physiques de mes divagations nocturnes, même une fois réveillée. Et cela a été le cas également pour celui-ci. J’ai longtemps ressenti cette angoisse, cette terreur sourde, et ce même en regardant des photos et des vidéos de Mr A, alors que qu’il n’y est pour rien ! ^^ Mais ce rêve m’a fait du bien. Deux jours plus tard je me séparais du photographe. Richard n’était que le messager de mon angoisse et non la cause, me faisant réaliser à quel point j’étais piégée dans cette relation  que je ne désirais plus. 

Est-ce que je vous ai déjà précisé que lorsque je rêve ou fantasme à propos de Richard, c’est en anglais ? Du coup je suis curieuse, qu’en est-il de vous, les non anglophones ? Est-ce qu’il parle dans votre langue natale ou bien en bon vieil anglais ? 😀 

Fault and Blog Anniversary

En français sous « Lire la suite » 🙂

 

You have 1 new notification on wordpress.

Clic.

« Happy Anniversary! »

Wait …. what?? It’s already been a year ? Looks like it has.

But has it really been a year when one has spent almost half that time literally disconnected from the RArmy? I like to think quality over quantity, and I hope that you, dear readers who have followed me during this year, have  enjoyed my dashed contributions.

You may have notice a small change on the blog too …. yes, the header! Bye bye Lucas and hello Richard !

faawordpressmod

Which  brings me to the topic I’d like to discuss in this post. Or more precisely the picture I so wanted to write about.

This photoshoot published in « Fault » magazine  is already old news for everyone. But for me, trying to catch up with everything and everyone, I have a fantastic amount of information to dissect. And in this case, enjoy. I think I first saw this picture on Me+Richard Armitage. And I’m looking at it while writing these words, which doesn’t really help me to keep my train of thoughts :-).

I absolutely love this photoshoot. This is probably my favorite of all post Hobbit ones. And yet I do not like the pictures – except one. Why? Simply because of the pictures post-processing. This is an aesthetic choice, yes, but it doesn’t correspond at all to what I, as a person, appreciate. Too much editing and too many effects have been applied on these pictures, which mostly ruined them and prevents me from enjoying them. A pity.

A perfect exemple of my issues with Fault's photoshoot

A perfect example of my issues with Fault’s photoshoot

This one for example. There are all the elements needed to make it one of my favorites : profile porn, nose, jaw line, neck, the delicacy of his ear, his hand, his pensive air accentuated by a slight shrug of brow wrinkling his forehead and, of course, sexy stubbles. I could love this image, I should love it. But I don’t. Why ? Because of massive edits distorting it. What a shame.

Ultimately, what I love about this photoshoot aren’t the pictures but rather the short video showing the making of it. I love the photographer’s bias. I like that it’s a fashion shooting, thoughtful and prepared, even if it’s rather casual. I love the relevant choices made ​​ by the stylist, these outfits reflecting a casual but chic style in which I imagine Richard perfectly. It’s fashion, it’s sharp and simple, with quality materials and good cuts.

When I look at this video, I see the man that I admire. I see his strength, concentration, professionalism, and of course beauty. I don’t see Richard, but Richard Armitage, public persona, and for once it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t matter if he’s playing a role or if he’s not necessarily comfortable with posing, if it’s not « him. » Because watching the actor being a fashion animal isn’t only easy on the eye ;-).

Page6-FAULT

I can’t forget how I felt the first time I saw this picture. Like a punch in the stomach, cutting my breath. The strength and power that emanate from him is incredible. It gives me a sense of stability, he reassures me even if he gaves me the impression to judge me. I see him as the man who, seeing me stumble would not help me to get up because it’s for me to learn on my own, but that would always be there to support me, a pillar in his way. Tough love, I’d say, one that can make you grow up. If my situation was different, would I have reacted in the same way ? I don’ know. But what I see, what I feel is the sensation of being pushed forward. Richard is a countless number of things for his fans : he stimulates our creativity, he’s a distraction and an escape, he helps some of us to get up in the morning, he makes us want to go further and to surpass ourselves. And more than anything, he makes us dream.

Thank you Richard Armitage for making me dream (for a year and more ^^)

Lire la suite

How I see The Hobbit poster | Comment je vois l’affiche du Hobbit

If like me you spend way too much time procrastinating on the internet, you may have seen one of the « what people think I do » meme. Here’s one example.

Si comme moi vous passez beaucoup de temps à procrastiner sur internet, vous avez sans doute déjà un de ces memes.

image

While everyone was swooning over Thorin, I couldn’t shake an image from my mind 🙂

How people see The Hobbit poster

Comment les gens voient l’affiche du Hobbit

image

How the Armitage Army see The Hobbit poster

Comment l’Armitage Army voit l’affiche du Hobbit

image

How I see The Hobbit poster Comment je vois l’affiche du Hobbit

image

How dessine-moi-un-mouton ( a fellow tumblerer ) see The Hobbit poster

Comment dessine-moi-un-mouton ( une compatriote de tumblr ) voit l’affiche du Hobbit

image

And you, how do you see it ? 🙂

Et vous, comment la voyez-vous ? 🙂

Oh dear bearded beauty…

I know these pictures are old news but I can’t get over them. Not yet.

I’ve said here how much I love his outfit, but this time it’s not about fashion.

I don’t want to be brainy, to analyze and dissect why I love these pictures so much. It’s not important. What is, however, and what fascinates me is how much he appeals to me. Every time I look at them, it stirs my insides, provoking such a strong gut reaction.

I didn’t used to desire him, at least not until recently, but when I see a picture like the one above, I must admit I want him really bad 🙂 I just want to be shallow and enjoy his gorgeousness.

What about you ? Do you have a picture that always do the trick for you ? Launching butterflies in you stomach every time you lay eyes on him ?

You are entitled to live Gizzi, like everyone else | Tu as le droit de vivre Gizzi, comme tout le monde

En français sous « Lire la suite »

To celebrate this week’s Guyday, I’ve made a gifset for Tumblr on one of the few scenes that moved me in Robin Hood series 3. Tumblr’s layout being specific,  here’s the one gif showing the moment that interests me.

Guy of Gisborne, afraid to die in Robin Hood E11S03.

Let’s be honest, Robin Hood series 3 has little interest besides Guy’s makeover (new outfit + sexy mane = mmmmm ….). I’ve already discussed here the only episode that I enjoyed in this season, episode 9 and the too short presence of Meg. For those whose memory is a little rusty, this scene takes place after the attempted release of Archer by Robin and Guy. A failed attempt « thanks to » Archer,  needless to say! Our three friends find themselves incurring a death penalty by hanging, their hands tied and sitting on horses. Obviously Guy is first on the list.

This scene makes me want to scream and cry. Let me explain. With the diversion organized by Archer’s mistress, Friar Tuck and Kate (…) rush to free Robin and Archer. Be it. But why not do the same for Guy ? Why is this a problem to free him at the same time ? What this means to me is that Guy is not considered as a member of the gang, he’s dispensable and worthless, a man one can lose without much consequence. It’s so unfair and gratuitous, for the purpose of having an archer duel between Robin and Archer (!). Especially with the mess surrounding them (the crowd movement, the panic and smoke), Guy is still on a horse, his hands tied and with a fucking rope around his neck. Let’s be grateful to the horse for being so calm or our Dark Knight would have met one of the most stupid death !

The expression on his face is heartbreaking. No trace of his usual haughtiness. I feel like I’m in front of a child, head and shoulders down in an attitude of submission, so far from Guy’s arrogance and pride. His shoulders are shaking, his mouth slightly opened shudders, his jaw hanging. He is miserable and pitiful, at everyone’s mercy, a position of weakness he’s not used to. What strikes me even more is the fact that, despite the desire to destroy himself he has shown since the beginning of the season, he’s scared. He is terrified to die. He doesn’t want to die, despite his despair, despite his guilt, despite everything, he does NOT want to die. That’s what moved me beyond words.

Lire la suite

Hobbit Trailer #2!!!! And Gifs, ’cause that’s how I roll.

Hobbit Trailer #2!!!! And Gifs, ’cause that’s how I roll..

This is what made my day yesterday evening ! What beautiful gifs !

I’m getting really excited over this, and not only because of Richard. But I have to admit I had to rewatch the trailer several times because I couldn’t focus on anything but his voice. I know you felt it too, this electrifying feeling everytime you heard his voice, deep and lowered.

Can I have a pocket Armitage ? Isn’t he cute ? 😀

 

Meeting Richard Armitage | Rencontrer Richard Armitage

Retrouvez cet article en français sous « lire la suite » 😉

Like everyone in the Armitage Army, I couldn’t have been more delighted to read the stories (especially the very detailed one by ItsJSforMe 🙂 ) of fans meeting Richard. It may be stupid to write, but I’m really happy for them. I was excited, amazed and thrilled by what I read. I had the impression of being with them, and experience first hand a certain reality. A reality including somewhere on the other side of the world the man who has been occupying my thoughts way too often  for almost 1 year. Even though I’m very curious of who he is , I’ve accepted that my role as a fan is to never really grasp him as a person. Therefore, I rarely think of Mr A as himself, but rather as his fantasized version, as a character.

To read these encounters confronted me with his reality. Suddenly he became tangible, palpable, so far and yet so close. While I’m writing these words, he’s living his life in this foreign country, he’s working, he’s laughing at a joke, sharing a good meal, or yawning because he’s been up  since 5am. It’s not Richard Armitage, the actor, neither his characters that I had in mind while reading these recap, but a man, just a man, and almost a young man with this strangely boyish look . A man I could, you could cross at an unpretentious party, at the counter of a pub drinking a beer or at a park jogging, etc. In short, Richard.

I don’t know if I’m expressing myself correctly. What I’m trying to say is that I had a sense of identification so intense that I gasped. Even though my brain was screaming that I was in front of my computer and not in front of Richard, my body reacted as if this was the case. And that’s when I realized something. Something I touched in my questioning of the interest to possess an autograph from Richard Armitage. Just the use of the word « possess » sums it all : if we can’t « possess » him, at least we can « possess » a part of him.  Truth be told, I don’t want to meet him. This is not a « maybe » or « why not » or a « this is unlikely, however. » I have no desire to meet him. And if  by a pure miracle he found himself on my way, I’d turn back to avoid him. I had considered the idea that the most likely way to see him with my own eyes would be at a premiere or a ceremony, where I would be far away from me, drowned in the crowd and making no effort to get closer to him.

I do not want an autograph. I do not want to meet him. I do not want to be photographed next to him or even just take a picture of him. And yet I consider myself a fan. And yet I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the idea that some of us have had the chance to meet and talk to him. Once again I wonder what that makes of me and what it says about me. What kind of fan am I to try to escape at all costs the object of my affection? It’s not shyness. I’m introverted, but not shy, and my hotheaded side can make me do really crazy things. I don’t think it’s because I’m too self-conscious. The media like to give caricatural and distorted image of us. However, I’m not ashamed to be a fan. At most, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, not to force my admiration on him because I respect him too much for that. But I know that this is still not the real reason.

I’ve always been honest here, I’ve always tried not to censor my thoughts and feelings  since for me the purpose of a blog is to let go the pressure. What’s the point of writing here if I can’t write what I really think? Then fine, allons-y. If I make the effort to consider the problem,  there are two reasons that lead me to have a position as categorical about meeting with Mr A. First, as I’ve already written here, my heart doesn’t beat for him but for his fantasized version (see fantaisies 1 and 2) . He provides his looks, a few character traits showing through in his interviews. So it’s about 20% of the man he is in my head. The remaining 80% are filled by my desires, by my thoughts and cravings. Richard Armitage is not my fantasy, he only gives me the shell for shelter. In a way, I am my own fantasy. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I lack interest in meeting him. At most to admire his looks 🙂

The second reason is much simpler. To meet him is to take the risk of being disappointed. It’s my reality vs his. The latter being fundamentally different from mine, I know that in any case I would be disappointed. Not because of my sudden realization that Richard is an asshole full of himself (there’s little chance it’s the case) but because a meeting with him will never happen the way I want. It’s all or nothing with me. If I can’t have everything I want, if I can’t have him as a whole (understand what you want to understand 😉 )  I’d rather not have him at all. I don’t want crumbs. I don’t belittle any people seeking contact, on the contrary, I could repeat it a thousand times, I’ve loved to read and see photos of these meetings. It’s just not for me.

So yes, I am a fan. Demanding, surely. Neurotic, without a doubt. But lucid and very self-deprecating.

And you, would you like to meet Richard Armitage ?

Edit : checking my post one last time before publishing it and guess what, one of the Cbeebies stories has just started to play 🙂

Edit 2 : And another fan gets to meet Richard ! 

Lire la suite

All I want to write about is this lovely fan encounter with Richard we’ve all heard about 🙂 And especially about his looks, about his outfit, because I can’t help it (grey t-shirt + jeans +boots = drop dead FrenchAA). This picture has already been posted on Tumblr, I’ve reblogged it without knowing if I had any right to do so (I’m sorry if I’ve invaded anyone’s privacy) but I won’t post it here until further notice. Which explains why I’m frustrated. I can’t speak of his clothes without showing you a picture, right ?

So here I am, grinning, genuinely happy for this lucky fan with a really understandy hubby, dazed by how young and thin Richard looks in these pictures.

 

Tout ce sur quoi j’ai envie d’écrire est cette merveilleuse rencontre entre Richard et une fan dont nous avons toutes (et tous) entendu parlé. Et en particulier sur son apparence physique, sur sa tenue, parce que c’est mon truc (un tee-shirt gris + un jean+ des boots = une FrenchAA raide morte ^^) Cette photo a déjà été postée sur Tumblr, je l’ai rebloggé sans savoir si j’avais le droit de le faire (je m’excuse si outrepassé les limites de la sphère privée de qui que ce soit), mais je ne la posterai pas ici avant d’avoir plus d’informations. Ce qui explique pourquoi je suis frustrée. Je ne peux pas parler de ses vêtements sans vous montrer un photo, n’est-ce pas ?

Me voici donc, souriant comme une idiote, sincèrement heureuse pour cette fan chanceuse dont le mari est très compréhensif, hallucinée par l’apparence juvénile et la minceur de Richard sur ces photos.