Meeting Richard Armitage | Rencontrer Richard Armitage

Retrouvez cet article en français sous « lire la suite » 😉

Like everyone in the Armitage Army, I couldn’t have been more delighted to read the stories (especially the very detailed one by ItsJSforMe 🙂 ) of fans meeting Richard. It may be stupid to write, but I’m really happy for them. I was excited, amazed and thrilled by what I read. I had the impression of being with them, and experience first hand a certain reality. A reality including somewhere on the other side of the world the man who has been occupying my thoughts way too often  for almost 1 year. Even though I’m very curious of who he is , I’ve accepted that my role as a fan is to never really grasp him as a person. Therefore, I rarely think of Mr A as himself, but rather as his fantasized version, as a character.

To read these encounters confronted me with his reality. Suddenly he became tangible, palpable, so far and yet so close. While I’m writing these words, he’s living his life in this foreign country, he’s working, he’s laughing at a joke, sharing a good meal, or yawning because he’s been up  since 5am. It’s not Richard Armitage, the actor, neither his characters that I had in mind while reading these recap, but a man, just a man, and almost a young man with this strangely boyish look . A man I could, you could cross at an unpretentious party, at the counter of a pub drinking a beer or at a park jogging, etc. In short, Richard.

I don’t know if I’m expressing myself correctly. What I’m trying to say is that I had a sense of identification so intense that I gasped. Even though my brain was screaming that I was in front of my computer and not in front of Richard, my body reacted as if this was the case. And that’s when I realized something. Something I touched in my questioning of the interest to possess an autograph from Richard Armitage. Just the use of the word « possess » sums it all : if we can’t « possess » him, at least we can « possess » a part of him.  Truth be told, I don’t want to meet him. This is not a « maybe » or « why not » or a « this is unlikely, however. » I have no desire to meet him. And if  by a pure miracle he found himself on my way, I’d turn back to avoid him. I had considered the idea that the most likely way to see him with my own eyes would be at a premiere or a ceremony, where I would be far away from me, drowned in the crowd and making no effort to get closer to him.

I do not want an autograph. I do not want to meet him. I do not want to be photographed next to him or even just take a picture of him. And yet I consider myself a fan. And yet I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the idea that some of us have had the chance to meet and talk to him. Once again I wonder what that makes of me and what it says about me. What kind of fan am I to try to escape at all costs the object of my affection? It’s not shyness. I’m introverted, but not shy, and my hotheaded side can make me do really crazy things. I don’t think it’s because I’m too self-conscious. The media like to give caricatural and distorted image of us. However, I’m not ashamed to be a fan. At most, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, not to force my admiration on him because I respect him too much for that. But I know that this is still not the real reason.

I’ve always been honest here, I’ve always tried not to censor my thoughts and feelings  since for me the purpose of a blog is to let go the pressure. What’s the point of writing here if I can’t write what I really think? Then fine, allons-y. If I make the effort to consider the problem,  there are two reasons that lead me to have a position as categorical about meeting with Mr A. First, as I’ve already written here, my heart doesn’t beat for him but for his fantasized version (see fantaisies 1 and 2) . He provides his looks, a few character traits showing through in his interviews. So it’s about 20% of the man he is in my head. The remaining 80% are filled by my desires, by my thoughts and cravings. Richard Armitage is not my fantasy, he only gives me the shell for shelter. In a way, I am my own fantasy. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense that I lack interest in meeting him. At most to admire his looks 🙂

The second reason is much simpler. To meet him is to take the risk of being disappointed. It’s my reality vs his. The latter being fundamentally different from mine, I know that in any case I would be disappointed. Not because of my sudden realization that Richard is an asshole full of himself (there’s little chance it’s the case) but because a meeting with him will never happen the way I want. It’s all or nothing with me. If I can’t have everything I want, if I can’t have him as a whole (understand what you want to understand 😉 )  I’d rather not have him at all. I don’t want crumbs. I don’t belittle any people seeking contact, on the contrary, I could repeat it a thousand times, I’ve loved to read and see photos of these meetings. It’s just not for me.

So yes, I am a fan. Demanding, surely. Neurotic, without a doubt. But lucid and very self-deprecating.

And you, would you like to meet Richard Armitage ?

Edit : checking my post one last time before publishing it and guess what, one of the Cbeebies stories has just started to play 🙂

Edit 2 : And another fan gets to meet Richard ! 

Lire la suite

Kisses and dreams

Or how, until my last kiss study, my laziness makes me export an article from tumblr. But, please, still on the kiss thematic. You’ve learned by now that I’m quite fond of kissing scenes. But this one is far from being my fav because of the bitch Sarah Caulfield (and because there’s a real lack of alchemy between these two…. everything feels wrong and forced between them  * le sigh*)

The shark attack

If I’ve decided to gif it tonight it’s not because I’ve changed my mind but because of a dream I’ve had whilst I was still on drugs (thanks sickness). Being an admirer of his for the past 7 months, I’ve never dreamt of Richard. Ever. Whereas Michael Fassbender has been invading my dreams a little too much for my taste XD. Getting back to the dream, I find some its elements  in that kiss, the brusqueness, his way of forcing her into this kiss, the awkwardness.

I remember little, only a scene, but what a scene ! and especially the feelings and sensations, so strong and overwhelming !

We’re in my hometown, in a street, just outside a bar. The cold bites my cheeks. I try in vain to warm my hands by blowing on them. He’s facing me, a smirk on his face. I can’t explain why,  but I know we’ve been spending the evening flirting. I want him. I want him so much it’s almost painful, crushing me whole.

We’re chatting mindlessly, and every time his gaze shifts from mine, my stomach and heart are twisting in fear until his eyes fall on me again. I feel so alive when he looks at me. And then all I want is to disappear as his beauty seems suffocating to me. His feminine ways, his elegant gestures. His bright eyes opened to the world. His dazzling look that pierces me, disarms me.

One moment we’re talking, the next is on me, against me, his lips crushed against mine, his right hand intertwined with my hair, forcing me into this kiss, his body pressed against mine, almost hurting me with his brusqueness. His free hand is out to discover my body. I choke under his embrace, his kisses, gasping for air and having this strange tingling sensation in the palms of my hands, light headed, legs weak at the knees. 

So I cling to him as if I were drowning, I’m melting into him, blending in him, my nails driven into his neck. His stuble scrapes my face, my mouth but I don’t care. I’m devouring him as he’s devouring me. It’s good and awkward. Soft and passionate, spicy and fragrant. The urgency of the freezing weather is pushing us to embrace each other, to warm us up. This heat is so real.

And I woke up

I don’t know what this dream says about me. It’s interesting that my subconscious,  when I never fantasize over a physical intimacy nor dream of him, throws me into Richard’s arms so violently in a kiss more than passionate.

Lire la suite

Are we in love with Richard ? Thoughts about Armitagemania

I have several posts on hand,  my two kisses to analyse and a brief summary of my London trip, but I want if not need an interlude. Why? There’s quite a mess in my little head and I have to evacuate it (perhaps it’s the fast approaching of my 25th birthday, will I become an adult at last ? ^ ^)

For those who don’t know it yet, I also run under the same pseudonym a Tumblog I use to share most of my creations (animated or things RA related) but also to discover the creations of our army’s other members. It ‘s a platform rather messy, reactive, a bit shallow but also very addictive 🙂 It’s very visual, whereas wordpress is more textual and analytical (although this doesn’t prevent us from behaving like any fangirl , admiring Richard’s nipples for example ….)

(currently gifing Strike Back – screencaps are mine)

I recently noticed something, first on Tumblr and then  here via Snicker’s mom’s post : « defection » of some fans to other actors. In both cases it’s in Tom Hiddleston’s  favor, but it’s only pure chance, thanks to The Avengers. If I’d written this article 4 months ago, I’d named Michael Fassbender, and in 4 months it’d be yet another actor. I don’t begrudge these people for their « infidelity », nor those actors for leading them astray 😉 , I recognize also that, as for myself, I am not insensible to their charms and talents.

I’m not one to  easily fall in admiration and fanaticism, like any teenager, for the first talented actor attractive enough to catch my attention. Which is why I was much taken aback by my gut reaction for Richard. I’m not a fangirl. I’ve never been  and I would probably never be one again. If not for him. Him alone. And the day when this madness will come to an end, because that day will come, it will have only been him.

John Porter, showing us his muscular back

Why do I say that the day of my defection will come with such certainty ? Because it’s already somewhat the case. No, I’m exaggerating a little, but I’m not far from reality. Why? Because I distance myself. I already did on a regular basis from the beginning, but I used to plunged back every time.  Not anymore. Strangely, this dates back to my article on fantasies, as if the fact of having  written them down had suppressed them.  For example, since I’ve written my main fantasy here, I’ve never invoked it again.  Do I need another scenario to play with? Maybe 🙂

Is the scarcity of Richard the cause of my declining passion ? In part, I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but it really isn’t the main reason. I’m too « new » in this army for it to affect my enthusiasm. I think I invested so much in my Richard, who lives in my head, in my fantasies, that the true one, as Richard himself, doesn’t have the same interest in my eyes. He’s no match to my fantasized version of him. Which is a good thing !

I’m better in my life, my work,  my relationship. I feel that I could eat the world. I wasn’t in a hole when Richard (or rather John) crossed my path, but I wasn’t good either. And he helped me feel good again , he supported me, he was my pillar,  he made me smile, laugh and cry. The moment I saw him, I loved him with all my heart. There have been only him. There will only be him. I forget who said this, but this sentence comes to my mind « a crush lasts only four months. » It’s been six months for me, so when I say I’m a baby soldier, I’m not kidding :). And yet I’m still hooked, I stepped back, certainly, for my own sanity, but I’m still hooked ! It’s not a crush. I’m in love with him. That’s it. I write it. This is not a love in the conventional sense, let’s be clear, but the feelings I experienced and I feel are very close to what I felt every time I fell in love, hence the parallel I authorize myself to make, and especially the words I allow myself to use. The words we use to describe our admiration for him are part of the love vocabulary, so why not push the analogy further? The fires of passion have thus subsided between Richard and I, we are now starting a calmer but deeper relationship 🙂

Of course there’s his lovely profile, but all I see is his hands, holding the trigger, and his raised thumb.

Am I crazy ?  Am I sick because I write these words ? I do not think so. Of course, naming things makes them real, but it can also hold them at bay. The act of writing, particularly here, and interacting with other fans makes me realize that I am not alone which is reassuring, but mostly is cathartic, so I encourage you all to write what’s on your heart, no matter who read you, whether it bothers some people or not, do it for you and it will make a world of good.

Lire la suite

Fantasies / Fantasmes part 2

Comme toujours, en français sous « lire la suite « 

Following the excellent article by Servetus, I have slightly delayed the publication of this one because I felt the need to develop certain aspects of my thinking. What I found particularly interesting in her article is that she conjures different characters played by Mr A in her fantasies. Richard as himself, or at least as she sees him, only came later, when she allowed herself to fantasize about him. Personally, I’ve never fantasized about one of his character, ever. I understand the attraction they may have for some, but not for me. Only Mr A as himself takes part in my fantasies, because as I said during the 30 day RA challenge , my favorite of his characters is his public persona,  therefore it’s logical that he’s the hero of my scenarios. Why should I be embarrassed to admit this ? The vision I have of Richard is as fictional than the one I have of Guy or Lucas, so I see no reason to police what I say.

Richard Armitage at the Hobbit press conference, the only protagonist of my fantasies

After my childhood fantasies, the one that makes me endure my job when  it exhausts me or when there’s a tension with le BF is Richard. I only have two fantasy about him, and only the most recent (and most powerful) interests me here. This is a not a writing master piece, I’ve simply tried to summarize the scenario I play with so do not expect a work of art! 🙂

Journalist for a magazine, I’m on my way to the Hobbit press conference for the movie promotional tour in Bordeaux (even if it’s a major french city, it’s far from enough to attract the Hobbit but… fantasy :)). I’m dogged by misfortunes, the tram I’m in goes down  and I have to finish the journey on foot. It starts raining and my shoes hurt. I wanted to be a « real woman » by wearing heels,  but now I regret it. I always have a pair of flat shoes in my bag, so I changed, keeping the other pair in hand, and resume my route. I finally get to the hotel, drenched and exhausted, only to realize that I missed the conference.

The Regent Hotel in Bordeaux, one of my fantasy scenery

Annoyed, I’m about to leave , thinking about my boss’ future scolding when I see two men coming off the hotel bar. I know it’s him. His back is turned to me, accompanied by his publicist, but I’d recognize him amongst a thousand. I know I look miserable, hair dripping, mascara probably streaming on my cheeks, heels in hand, but I can’t miss this opportunity. I approach him but his agent is standing before him, putting a distance between us. He tries to push me away, but I insist. Richard intervenes, interrupting  his agent to let me speak, staring at me from head to toe, which makes me even more self-conscious of what I look like. I’m mortified but gathering my courage, I quickly explained my situation, begging for a few minutes of his time. Something in my words or my attitude makes him took pity of me because he accepts my offer, much to the chagrin of his agent. I ask him how long he can give me. 15 minutes. If he gives me 10 more, I take him to a pub next door to be out of the Hobbit madness . A pint of beer is an excellent argument because once again he agrees. Follows an idle chatter on the way.

The Charles Dickens pub

I keep for myself the questions I’d ask him  because they change depending on my mood – and they’re too dear to me. The interview goes well, I’m professional, I don’t fangirl, which might embarrass him, and I even managed to gain his trust despite a difficult start. I’m especially interested in him, I try to capture him in the time allotted to me. Some questions are very specific  other completely anecdotic. He’s sometimes elusive, but he avoids no questions. I’d be lying if I said I don’t flirt a little with him, but it’s not what this whole fantasy is about. Mr A isn’t famous in France, not yet, so we aren’t disturbed in the pub or on the way.

Once the interview ended, I pay for our consomations and accompanies him to his hotel. On the way, an idle chatter again. I ask him if he had time to visit Bordeaux since his arrival. No, their schedule is too tight so they have no time for sightseeing, to his chagrin. I stop and stare at him. Without even thinking, I suggest, if he wishes to and if he has time, to give him a tour of my city. Polite, he smiles and replies that he’d love to but can’t. I interrupt him by saying that it’s okay, I understand. He laughs again and goes on, saying that if I want him to, he can join me once his obligations fulfilled. A stupid grin on my face, I scribbles my number on a piece of paper and hands him before I leave.

Parking Victor Hugo

Does he call me ? Yes. Do I give him a tour of my beloved Bordeaux ? Yes. Another pub that I love (  beer+me = the perfect equation), a wine bar whose main room is built around a huge fake real-looking tree, a parking with a car giving the impression of to be about falling into the void, the narrow streets and crooked places crawling with restaurants and nightlife, a huge square with a massive fountain, the ruins of a Roman arena, the quays of the Garonne and « Le miroir d’eau » for a final evening walk. It’s adorable, funny, moving. In one word,  perfect. Does he kiss me or more ? No. I touch his hands, his face, he does the same. Nothing more, nothing less. But there is this connection, just this once, just once, for one evening. And that’s all.

This fantasy is deeply rooted in reality. I’m not nice with myself, on the contrary, I’m in trouble (rain, tram going down). I try to take an exacerbated femininity that isn’t mine (the shoes). As a child I wanted to be a writer. Growing up, I told myself  journalist would be a good financial alternative. Adoring film critic, it’s a job I’ve considered for long. In the end, I took a different path but it’s something I could have done. As in my real life, I’ve just started my job and I suffers from pressure from my boss. I see Richard as a case study I want to dissect and solve his mystery. I take him to a place where I feel comfortable, I control the setting if not the effect he has on me. A pint of beer always helps ! What I want is to see the world through his eyes and let him see the world through mine, hence the proposition to visit my town.

Le Palais Gallien, ruins of a roman arena

aside

I’ve always have this fascination with what happens in people’s head. We all have a different way of seeing, feeling and thinking, and I find it extraordinary.The differences are further exacerbated between two people from different cultures and languages. The language we speak and the words we have shape our thoughts, so I’m often frustrated when I speak/write in English, because words fail me and therefore my thoughts are not as precise as I’d like. I always have in mind this example of Inuit languages with about thirty words for « snow ». Thus an Inuit succeed to think and express nuances that I would be unable to seize, as French.

End of aside.

By paying the bill and proposing to give him a tour, keep control while remaining independent. I take the lead, leaving him my number, but doesn’t ask for his because he has to come to me. If he wants to see me, let him come. I’m definitely proud. But by leaving the choice to call me or not, I leave an opening that prevents me to suffer the full brunt of rejection. My insecurities. In real life, I’m in a relationship, but not in my fantasy. However, nothing happens between me and Mr A. Not because unconsciously I refuse to « cheat » on le BF, but because it’s not what I want. I’m looking for this connection, the communion between two minds, just once, just one night. Nothing more, nothing less. Therefore an autographed photo will never satisfy me 😉

Le miroir d'eau

Lire la suite

Fantasies / Fantasmes (part 1)

La version française de cet article se trouve sous « lire la suite » 😉

One topic I’ve wish to discuss here for a while now : the fantasies that we can have as a fan. I should say immediately that I will not talk about sexual fantasies, not that I deny their existence, on the contrary because, admit it or not, I’m sure half of us has fantasized about Mr A.’s intimacy at least once. There’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, although I understand that it’s about something very private, and that talking about it can be misunderstood by some people.

The main protagonist on my fantasies : the man himself and his lovely hands

So what is a fantasy? After a quick search, here’s my definition : imaginary scenario including the completion of a conscious or unconscious desire. I emphasized the word unconscious because it seems to be an important part of fantasies, and  as I always say, what we feel, what we think, and now what we fantasize reveals more about us than  about Richard.

What do we do when we fantasize ? We play and we change the reality so that it bends to our desires. This doesn’t necessarily mean  that our fantasies are always positive, it may happen that certain desires or rather unconscious fears are expressed through our fantasies. Ultimately, a fantasy is a way of deceiving ourselves we all use. We lie to ourselves, we delude ourselves in it.

How one can resist this smile ?

I’ll obviously talk about mine and the part they have always had in my life. But what interests me more specifically is what type of fantasy Mr A. causes. I know where I stand, but what about you ? Are the situations you imagine realistic or completely fictional ? Are your fantasies platonic or on the contrary pg-17 ? Are you an hopeless romantic wishing a happy ending like Margaret or Geraldine ? Do you picture Mr A as himself – or at least his public persona – or is it  one of his characters that has your favors ? Is it the same scenario that you play again and again ? Or do you have a whole gallery of fantasies ? And you, how do you picture yourself ? Do you hide behind an alter ego, an improved version of yourself perhaps, or are you you ? I could go on  like that for hours :).

Personally, fantasies have always been a part of my life. I’m an only child, raised by a single mother who worked hard, thus I spent much of my time alone which developed my imagination. I read a lot, which allowed me to experience many adventures, and at one point I started imagining my own. My fantasies have grown with me, evolving along with my desires. For example, I often imagine a situation I had experienced but differently, replaying the scenario in my head several times, each time changing a tiny detail until it suits me.  This mecanism helps me get better and handle certain situations that otherwise I couldn’t deal with in reality. My fantasies hold me together, they helped me.

I’ll stop here for now, this post is, again, much longer than what I expected. Tomorrow will  be the « me-part » of this topic where I’ll analyze a fantasie of my own 🙂

 

Lire la suite

RA’s autograph

Version française de l’article sous « lire la suite » 🙂

In the early stages of my addiction, when I was still deep in North and South, the very origin of the existence of this blog, I felt a compelling need to express what I felt. For Richard, in his incredible talent, is an actor who makes me feel things, feelings, emotions, sensations. It’s not only his job that triggers this phenomenon but his whole being. A well-chosen photo of him, a particular quote, and especially his voice makes me feel. Never an actor had caused this reaction before him. In contact with his work, through what I felt so badly, I felt alive too. Therefore, overflowing with these intense feelings, I needed to externalize and put words on it.

Richard's autograph, taken from here

The very first thing I did was to write. Specifically write to him. I need to say that this letter, although written for and about him, was not really intended to him. It was a way like another to express what I felt with and for him. Indeed, the only time I’ve written to a celebrity, was at 9 and it was for the Spice Girls – please don’t judge me ! XD-. Suffice to say that I wasn’t used to this stuff ! So I wrote this letter, this long letter in English to explain, and above all, to explain to myself the reasons of my sudden and disproportionate dedication to this man I’ll never meet. Some extracts of this letter have been incorporated into my Why now? ,Why him?  and Why me?posts

That was a release but it wasn’t enough. Starting to look up information about him via Google (like everyone :D), I discovered blogs, forums and wonderful sites, designed to fuel my addiction. I wanted to know everything about him. But strangely, the only thing I didn’t sought was if he were in a relationship or not, returning key word in research related to his name 🙂 Then I discovered the special relationship he maintains with his fans, these lovely messages he’s sent them, and also the subject I wanted to raise here : autographed photos. I didn’t even think you could write to a celebrity asking for one !
So I now had a letter and an address. What would I do? I thought to send my pages. I thought about it seriously. Even if I knew that my letter would not arrive in his hands, I needed to express all the good I thought of him because it never hurts to receive a compliment ;). I  prepared everything,  I just had to post it. But I couldn’t. For a whole month I kept this envelope at the bottom of my bag, to the point that it got damaged. And then I put it away in a drawer, where it’s still there, crumpled and stained.Why? Why did I not send it? Why would I never ask for an autograph from Richard ?

This one is Jonia's, found on her wonderful blog 🙂

I understand the need some people feel to request an autograph, be it face to face with a celebrity or by mail, it’s a trace, a proof of the encounter in the first case, and it’s a piece of said celebrity in the second. I do not judge this practice. But it doesn’t reflect me at all. Actually if I were to send this letter, it weren’t an autographed photo I’d  wish to receive in return but an answer, not necessarily a letter, but at least a few lines, something personal, real, addressed to me.  An autograph is not enough for me, I must be too demanding ! It’s like in the case of an encounter. I don’t picture myself  to a premiere, crushed between dozens and dozens other fans, begging for an autograph. Perhaps I would see  him from afar, but I certainly would not be in the crowd. Again, don’t get me wrong, I do not denigrate these attitudes, it’s just that it’s not what I’m looking for. If he were in front of me, I would want to talk to him, ask him questions (one day I’d have to dig  this interview fantasy I have …), and try to capture a little of his being during these precious seconds (minutes ? 🙂 ), not take a picture of me with him or his autograph on a photo.
I want more from him, so much more than what he can give to his fans (and no, I’m not talking about what might happen in a bed or elsewhere ….;)) Thus I prefer to keep my distance I prefer to have nothing from him rather than have those scraps that’ll never satisfy my hunger of him.

A Lucas North study, part 2

Edit : Comme toujours, la version française de cet article se trouve sous « lire la suite »  😉

A Lucas North study part 1

It took me much longer than expected to complete the study of Lucas North. Easter, my 12 hour journey to visit my family and my mother’s lack of internet connection have probably something to do with it 🙂

Lucas is where we left him off, contemplating his imminent death. During the writing of this post,  Servetus’ article came to my mind several times. This scene is a perfect example of the importance of the jaw in acting. Once again, the use of a wide angle shot highlights Lucas’ plight. This man, alone in the middle of that empty ramshackled cell. I feel that all that space, all empty, is about to crush, grind him. Instead of giving a sense of space, this reinforces the smallness of the room.

Study of barefoot Richard Armitage

I wish to comment on his outfit. I will not dwell on his chest, bare for the sake of Richard’s female fans, let’s be realistic :). As I noted before, he’s barefoot. It’s common to many religions to remove one’s shoes before entering a sacred place. Being barefoot is highly charged with symbolism. This expresses in fact the full nudity of the human being, in its dependence to its creator. Thus, exposing Lucas’ foot gives a form of vulnerability and humility, this is the ultimate physical and mental bareness. More than being naked, being barefoot is a form of nudity even more intimate and absolute.

Lucas North, contemplating his doom

The camera zooms on Lucas. His body language remains the same : arched back , shoulders down, relaxed and drooping jaw, mouth slightly opened, breathing deeply and rapidly. He hesitates again, I’m sure in his mind, he still doesn’t know if he will be able to take the plunge. But suddenly, he makes his choice. The timing is extremely fleeting and I had to try several times to successfully capture it. Just before the shot changes and we see  Lucas pass the sheet around his neck, the camera zooms in on him slightly. Do you see this tiny but crucial difference in his expression? His mouth is closed, his jaw tightened. His decision is  made precisely at this moment. He’s going to do it. He really will. Even now, I have a hard time looking at this picture without shuddering. Everything can be read over his face.

Let’s play a game of spot the differences 🙂

It’s starting to get really difficult now. But I said I would end this article today and I will 🙂

Lucas North hand porn 🙂

So, after past-Lucas passed the sheet around his neck, we’re back to present-Lucas. He covers his lower face twice -we’re getting more and more familiar with this gesture now-. He expresses his distress and discomfort, I would almost say his inability to manage this situation. Covering his mouth is a very closed gesture, physically expressing his malaise without voicing it. He goes round in circles, like a caged lion, his breathing still noisy. Once again, his mental suffering is reflected physically. He’s so troubled that he can’t stay still, he needs to move, walk, trying literally to escape his memories.

And then Lucas stops, as if he’s conjured enough courage to face his demons. He raises his head, staring at the ceiling, and exhaling deeply. It refocuses and calms him, he closes his mouth, contracting his jaw, as if he said « it will hurt but I can do it, I can do it. » Here’s another parallel with his decision-making discussed above. Once his mind set, he’s almost calm, resigned, the calm before the storm.

Back to past-Lucas. He’s about to lose balance. His face contracted, closed and fully open at the same time, letting his despair show. The entire area around his eye is tensed, and so does his forehead, showing that vein that we see so often. Again, the change of expression is very transient, but a still frame captures exactly when Oleg enters the room and locks him in his arms. Lucas’ face suddenly relaxes, his jaw slackens, leaving his mouth open wide ,and he closes his eyes, the whole upper part of his face relaxed. He’s relieved. He’s relieved that someone came in and saved him. You don’t even need to know what’s happening, you can mute the sound, just look at Lucas and it says it all.

Let’s finish quickly with the last  two shots of the scene. Oleg is what he is, but in his way of helping Lucas to sit, and touching him, he shows concern for him. There’s something very intimate in the way he touches him, head against head, one hand on his neck, the other on his ribs then on his thigh. It’s a very intimate contact, especially for men. Which shows how much they’ve developed a special relationship.

Lucas North and his clenched fists

Back to present-Lucas for the last time.  Everything is in the detail. Head tilted back, he sniffs because he’s close to tears. But he’s a man, he can’t be fragile. He takes to himself, clenching his fists.

This completes myLucas North study, for now at least. Now I have a normal life to resume, away from Russian prisons 😉

Lire la suite

Why me ? (part 3 )

Last but not least – i hope ! -, the final question. Actually, this is very stupid, but there’s a simple reason why I, an almost 25 years old french woman – oh my god, I‘m a grown up – have succumbed to his charm. He reminds me of an ex, especially with the beard. When I was 18/19 years old, basically a kid I went out with two actors, two opposites, both physically and mentally, but they were united in their profession, their passion. The one who was the most important to me was a tall dark haired guy with a long nose and piercing blue eyes. Quite older than me too, he was already a man when I was not yet a woman. His beard stung my cheeks every time he kissed me and I do not think I need to specify his name to complete the picture yes it starts with a R.

a momentary Richard interruption

My tastes haven’t really changed since. I keep three memories of him, the 1st, he, lying on his bed and, when he has just explain to me the necessity of his single life, the fact that he he can’t take his eyes off my backside when I get up. I still smile when I think about it. His contradiction. He’s also the man with a hard and indecipherable face, the man who suddenly imposes himself on me in a shout “I exist!”. Ultimate expression of his being. He frightens me, he hurts me. His violence, his toughness, strength. He’s this fragile man with tear-filled eyes who stumbles, who flays his mouth in confessing to me ”but I love my father.” His weakness.

and another one… 🙂

He was a child, not a man. He was no longer a man when he pressed me against him, when he laid his head on my lap and he buried it in the pit of my arm. I think what I like about Ra is part of what he shares with that other Richard. I’ve the same protective instinct, very maternal towards him, I feel his strength but also his vulnerability. I feel this duality in him, but also the fierce passion that fascinates me. I still googled this ex from time to time, to see where his career takes him, and what he does 🙂

Why him ? (part 2)

Why him ? Come on, it’s Lucas ! 

Let’s resume my ramblings, first part here.

Second question the obvious one : why him ?

Of course, Richard is a charming man, there would be no Army wearing his name if he were not. And of course he does have certain qualities searched amongst men : tall, broad shoulders, large hands, bright smile, piercing blue eyes and deep voice, I can’t deny it.

But like a Sean Bean, there is something about him, some duality, some darkness in his features with his fine lips and too long nose (which is perfect in its imperfection, he wouldn’t be himself without it) that allows him to play whoever he wants, good or evil. But it gives him quite a stern look. Each of these features taken separately is a flaw, but put together they create a harmony more than attractive. Richard turns his flaws into qualities, which brings a depth to him, a depth impossible to resist. He’s not perfect, just a normal human being and yet so tangible.

He’s not plain gorgeous, he’s not just a pretty face and I think that’s why so many people actually like him, why I like him. Because it makes me want to see past that face and enjoy what he can bring on screen. He also seems so modest and humble, so polite in every single interview that it’s impossible not to like him.

I’ve got a huge respect for his work, I’ve rarely been so moved by an actor as I’ve been by him. That’s how my addiction  fondness started I guess 🙂